By Dr. David A. Coats and Dr. Judith R. Coats
Think about the creation with me for a moment. God made the man and the woman to love, to worship, to serve, and to enjoy God. The focus was not on what they were like on the exterior, but the focus was simply how Adam and Eve could enjoy God from their hearts. God made the woman to know God, to love God, and to appreciate all of His ways and plans. God also made the woman to be a partner with man. Together they were to serve Him.
Then, because of the fall, life, the way God meant it to be was no longer the reality. They now had hearts that desired and wished for things they should not have. They blamed each other for the descent into darkness and into sin. Men’s and women’s relationships were radically changed. Out of this depraved fall away from God came, along with many other kinds of sin, the lack of satisfaction with God’s provision and plan in the areas of sex and purity. And thus men exploited women, women exploited men, men blamed women and destroyed women, drawing them away from God. Women, on the other hand, became less satisfied with God and His gospel and kingdom, feeling like men or other women were their “saviors” and feeling that they needed men’s or women’s attention by worshiping their evil desires. Women felt more valued if someone besides God wanted their bodies rather than being satisfied and enjoying how they were valued by God. Out of this backdrop of sin and idolatry we would like to address the problem of blaming women for men’s sexual struggles and impurity in general.
Historically, it seems like the typical discussion agenda that has prevailed over a generation at our purity sessions with the church body is the following: First, here is how the conversation has tended: “Guys, you need to be careful what you look at.” Second, “Girls, you need to make sure you don’t lead the guys into sin–no low necklines, no slits in skirts, no cleavage, and no attention drawn to ‘those’ parts of the body.” The heavy burden was and is placed on women to not cause men to sin.
Furthermore, when we hear about a man who leaves his wife for another woman, we seem to immediately blame the “other” woman, not the man. But perhaps the more important question would be, “What kind of man is he?” Don’t give him a pass (as we seem to). Don’t assume that because he was a deacon or an elder that he gave in to an alluring woman that dressed so provocatively that he couldn’t resist. Men, stop blaming women for your lust, sin, sensual struggles, and sensual choices. Understand these problems are sourced in your own heart as a part of the fall. Men now tend to blame others rather than identifying the evil of their own hearts.
So, now that you understand the direction of this article, I will do my best to proceed to examine past misconceptions more carefully. I truly want to help us to think biblically and carefully about this topic of temptation and sin, especially as it may pertain to or not pertain to women’s dress or undress, and men’s struggles to remain pure in our society. And yes, I hope to deal fairly with this topic both within the church and within our society at large. I believe our approach will be more logically and biblically accurate by thinking about how a man remains pure while working and living in an ungodly age Sunday to Sunday and then applying the same principles to life within the church gathering once per week.
I want to help us to think about modesty and purity within the church as we would in relationships outside of the church body. This connection for some odd reason has not been made or appears not to have been made. Remember, every man and woman is still created by God to know Him and to love Him rather than to worship and to long after the creature/creation. Change begins in the heart which God made to worship Him. And when we are in the world or gathered with our church, we need to see both men and women as worshipers. But the question simply is this: “What do we worship?”
I think we tend to make the church a supposedly safe zone to come and to “worship God,” where everybody just loves Jesus. So then we tend to set up a cosmetically inaccurate view of who we are, having our really high standards just to upkeep that ecclesiastical aura. For example, we assume that if all the women in the church building on Sunday are dressed from head to toe, completely covered, then all the men will be pure in their minds and in their hearts Sunday through Sunday. Everyone will worship together in purity. Ah, perfect scenario. Who are we fooling? Big mistake in our assumptions over the past several years. We judge people by the outside. Certain women must be spiritual because they have conformed to a certain standard that is set up by some man’s preferences for them. And even worse, set up by the world’s standard of going to a certain building for a certain event.
Our gatherings, then, tend to become a place for a special clientele who meet a “high clothing standard” approved by the church leadership. The reason I want to address philosophy and thinking before we get to some of Paul’s statements in scripture regarding attire is that we import our cultural philosophy into this discussion: we have been pharisaical. Most importantly, we know spirituality and Christlikeness isn’t about how we look or dress but what is in our hearts (Jesus said in Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander”). When we put undue emphasis on the external, we are being like the Pharisees who wanted a certain look and appearance (determined by them) for acceptance to God. And Jesus told them that they were like a grave full of dead men’s bones (Matthew 23:27 and 28).
Let me answer some questions that you may have in mind related to modesty and to believers in the church body.
Question: What is the meaning of the term modesty in scripture? Modesty is drawing attention to self–a desire to put self on display. A man in a suit can be proud and pompous, communicating extreme immodesty. A loud and obnoxious woman would express immodestly despite clothing. To quote John Calvin, “[Paul] wishes therefore that [women’s] dress should be regulated by modesty and sobriety; for luxury and immoderate expense arise from a desire to display. . . . And hence, we ought to derive the rule of moderation; for, since dress is an indifferent matter, (as all outward matters are,) it is difficult to assign a fixed limit, how far we ought to go.” Overall, the main point that Calvin is making from Paul’s statement is that women should be moderate in their dress (whatever that may look like to each woman–not to each man to judge for the woman) and yet it is an “indifferent matter.” In other words, Calvin has no set parameter in mind. What do we mean by the word moderate? Moderate like modesty is not drawing attention to self.
Question: How fully clothed must a woman be in order to completely eliminate the possibility of the concept of leading men into sin? Is that any man’s decision how fully clothed a woman should be to satisfy his estimation of eliminating temptation? If a woman has a dress down to her knees but a slit on the side, does that lead men astray? Maybe another woman has a loose-fitting skirt to her mid-calf, and she is a woman with a full figure and pretty face. Despite the fact that she is fully clothed, is her “problem” her God-given physical attributes that don’t pass a man’s modesty test? Is her best option to sew Amish-style clothes that hang and bag off her body? That too would draw attention as she walks into a church gathering. No matter how a woman is clothed, honestly, of the hundreds of men I have counseled in matters of soul purity, most of them admit that women’s skin can be very well-covered in fabric; and yet, in their minds, they systematically undress women anyway (I am not exaggerating). So where have all the rules for “complete covering” gotten us? Nowhere. The heart wants what the heart wants since Eden. The heart imagines what it lusts after, and the heart can picture those fantasies. What should be worship of God is instead depraved imagination.
Question: What does Paul, the apostle, say to women? First, Paul does not say anything about the length of attire, showing of skin, or ladies’ clothes appropriate to church gatherings. He certainly could have gone after the issue of clothing, given his Corinthian (sensual) society. But church leadership over the years has had a great deal to say about clothing whereas Paul did not. Unfortunately, what has happened is that the church has gone so far as to shun a woman who visits a gathering of the body of Christ in attire that does not meet the “high standard.” Therefore, the tendency is to immediately assess her attire and to decide that if she continues to come, she needs to change the way she dresses. Or at least her spirituality is assessed by her dress. Certainly, a woman that follows Jesus should not dress “like that” is the pharisaical conclusion that we have fostered among the people of God–very anti-James in actuality. James rebukes the attitude of assessing the clothing of someone attending our gathering.
Question: What does Jesus say? “If a man look on a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart”? (Matthew 5:28). Jesus is saying that the problem originates in the man’s heart: his heart thoughts and sensual desires for that woman. The woman’s clothing is not the cause of the man’s sexual impurity; instead, that impurity is about the desires to possess and to take pleasure from a person that does not belong to that man. Remember, the man who can approach the struggle with what he sees around him in the world, aware of and concerned for his own heart’s tendency toward adultery and idolatry, this man will react with self-discipline and compassion (not judgment) both in his work place and in his church with all women. All men, married and single, must desire to worship God and to find satisfaction in God alone.
Question: What does James say? (1:14-15) “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Why doesn’t James say that the problem with sin begins in the world around man rather than in man’s heart with its “desires” that draw him away? It is simple. God knows our main problem: a longing, adulterous, unsatisfied heart. So we could follow James’s line of thinking to understand that a woman can follow very strict standards of dress but the man’s desire for her is driven by his lack of satisfaction with what he has. In his mind, he wants to see and to enjoy something else. Men who struggle with a pornographic heart will admit clothing has nothing to do with their fantasy to engage with a woman sexually. (Again, I have heard this in my counseling sessions many times.)
So then, men must recognize that there will be women at their work place or at the store or at the local park who dress in ways that the men’s hearts will react to poorly. Or a man may be on a cycling team or a member of a local gym or YMCA. He will see women in every area of society, so his heart must be set or committed to a certain way of viewing women that is not idolatrous and adulterous. He needs to know that these women need to worship God and love God. So whether in our church gatherings or in the work place and in everyday situations, the key is not the clothing of the women but the key is the condition of the man’s heart and his view of the woman. Does he desire that she know and worship God, or does he desire the woman to want his advances?
Question: How should the gospel of God in Christ inform our discussion and our conclusions? As we disciple men and women in our church bodies, for example, and we realize that they are living for the approval of others, we should then address the idols of the heart and allow God to bring them to conclusions as far as their attire. The gospel of Jesus informs us not to judge them but instead to welcome them and then to help them not to be driven by the approval or attention of mankind, but the glory of God.
Question: What does Paul say the approach should be to sin and to temptation in the church? The only passage where Paul works through temptation to sin is in Romans 14, but Paul’s main topics are about people who observe special days and the consuming or not consuming certain foods. Paul’s overall theme is not to judge either way. Whether you do or you do not consume certain foods, you should not judge another person. Why? For we will all stand before the Judge and not the other Christian. We will give account to Christ as judge and not a fellow believer in the church (v.10-13).
“Stop judging,” Paul says, “but don’t put a cause to stumble or fall in front of our brother” (v.13 and v. 21). Now that certainly is a clear statement by Paul. We want to help the weak brother to be edified and to grow (15:2); within the church, we are discipling one another. However, the church has falsely catered to the weak brother. So what is Paul’s intent? Believers are to GROW. At some point, the weak believer is to become mature enough in his or her walk with God and mature in grace to handle the temptations and to understand the differences within the church.
In fact, I believe Paul’s point initially in Romans 14:1 is so important. Paul opens this section on life in the church saying that a weak person in the faith should not become a disputing issue. Do not divide the church or attack people who differ in things that are not clear (doubtful). Frankly, Paul is addressing doubtful issues related to people’s past as an unbeliever, even if they were a religious unbeliever. The church body, therefore, should not major on questionable issues or non-issues like clothing.
Final Question: What should the women in the church know and do? Pray for the men. Intercede for them that God will develop in them a heart of love and purity for all people. Recognize that some in the church will have weak hearts, bad thinking, unchecked lusting, and weak wills driven by all the imagery they have consumed. Men and women must consider and pray about how they dress each day to please God and not to draw attention to self. Women, don’t obsess about what men think of the way that you dress. Stand in God’s grace as you leave for the day. Don’t make dressing “incorrectly” your greatest fear. I know of women who walk with God who are judged by some as evil because of their clothing. Despite other’s conclusions, trust God and please Him.
Final suggestion: Men, you need to spend time considering that God made women to know Him and to love Him and to enjoy Him. They are made in His image to worship Him and to serve Him. Then focus on the truth with each woman that you encounter that she is made in God’s image; these thoughts should be your greatest and first thoughts about the women (saved and unsaved, godly and ungodly). Desire that women worship God. Desire and pray that they will love and enjoy and serve God. Think on the cross, and know that every woman needs Jesus. They don’t deserve your judgment or your adulterous thoughts. Consider all that women and men can be if they will but image God well. [I address this concept of imaging and worshiping God in my Soul Purity book in week 4 of an 8 week study.] You can access this material here.
In conclusion, we appeal to the elders of the churches to please sit down to discuss these concepts as they relate to the heart of man and his worship rather than cultural pressure to conform to a certain standard which may be the antithesis of the Gospel.
