Life certainly has tragedy and pain in it. We cannot avoid these effects of the fall. At times our lives are even impacted by other people’s unwise choices or sinful decisions. But since we cannot change those facts, what can we do? In the first part of our study on grief, we looked at the landscape on which grief is found.
Psychology believes that it is inevitable that we go through the stages of grief (I prefer the term arenas as it implies that there is no certain progression or certainty to this process). But I believe we must decide how we will respond to the trouble, pain, and sadness that comes our way. We do have a choice in our response. Nothing is inevitable.
What kinds of Bible truth help us deal with the realities of living in a fallen world? What should we remember when we grieve? What gospel truth helps and gives us hope? I am not saying that we might not drift into one of the arenas of grief; after all, we are still human beings who experience grief. Paul said as much in 1 Thessalonians 4. But Paul also said we should experience grief in a different fashion than those who do not have gospel hope. (v.13)
Gospel Anchor Points for grieving
- #1: God’s gospel changes my relationship with Him. I am His child. This is extremely good news. Consider what Jesus said in Matthew 7:11. God is a Father who knows how to do good for His child.
- God does not punish His children. The gospel reminds us that although we are sinners, God is not using our sin or the sin of others as a reason to take us through a hard event to punish us.
- He does not have your child go through cancer in order to punish you for sin you have done. Your sins are paid for. Done. God has other purposes in that disease or that sudden death. Judgment for sin is not one of the purposes of this trouble and pain.
- But God loves me as His child. That loves does take me through hard things. I have to trust Him. Romans 8:18-39 is a great passage to use in helping people travel the road of grief. They need to see God’s love on display for us (v. 32) in the death of His own son. Later, I will take up Romans 8 as a study with some suggestions as to how to use this passage with those grieving.
- #2 God’s gospel promises something better in the future. The good news is that this life is not all there is. Hope is crucial to mankind. A study on hope is very necessary to people in grief.
- Although we face evil and fallen world realities now, we have a guarantee of something much, much better in eternity. Romans 5:2-5 speaks of hope. This word hope is not a “I hope so, maybe so” kind of word. Hope as defined by Paul in God is assured and confident expectation. It is just a matter of time and these things will be reality.
- I know thinking about eternity does not take away the loss. But it must be put into perspective. We have this brief time on planet Earth. Then we spend forever and ever either in heaven or hell. (Remember what Paul said in I Corinthians 4:16-18. Do not lose heart. This affliction, this pain, this sorrow is temporary compared to the unseen things not yet experienced.)
- And the good news of forever is that it is with God. There will be no pain or tears with Him. That is good news. Really good news. The grieving heart needs some good news today. If spending eternity with God is not better than spending the next decade with a friend, then we need to rethink our good news.
- #3 God’s gospel brings immediate help. His good news has brought us the person of His Spirit. (John 14:16) He is the “Helper” or “Comforter” or literally “the one called alongside” us right now.
- That means we will never face tragedy and loss alone. Even when we wake up at night, wrestling with the loss or imminent death of a loved one, we can call out to God. He is there.
- In fact in Philippians 4 when Paul discusses anxiety, he points us to the God who is to be thanked in prayer. We thank God in the midst of anxious times. Thank Him for His Spirit.
- We exchange anxiety for the peace of God. This peace is something beyond description. It is peace that does not come from a medical prescription. It comes from within our hearts from a loving and gracious God. Embrace His comfort by His Spirit.
- #4 God’s gospel brings us into a relationship with a whole new group of people: The church, both universal and local.
- We need to ask ourselves whether or not we have a healthy relationship with the family of God. Is it a close family? Do we share our pain and loss? The most common “one another” activity in the New Testament is love one another. Look it up. See what this family activity calls you to in times of grief.
- Do we have a small group or missional group within our local church that is an extension of our life? We really need that group as our “support group” in times of grief.
- And we may even need some long-term, intensive discipleship, called counseling, that will help us sort out our thoughts and feelings. God’s Word and people have sufficient resources for the coming months. Use them well. This counseling will help us to stay connected to our discipleship group in the church. If no one engages you in your grief, maybe you will be awakened to the fact that you are part of a “go to church” rather than “we are the church” atmosphere. That situation must change.
- #5 God’s gospel rescues us from uncertainty.The good news is that when I became a child of God, He became my Father, and He rescued me from wondering if He knew what He was doing.
- He is King and rules and reigns in all events. Sovereign means He rules. He is in control. (Revelation 6:9-10 says that we have to trust, as do the saints in heaven, martyred for their faith, waiting for His return and His kingdom.)
- How does that work? Should He not keep us from all evil and pain? While people from Job’s time up to the present have wrestled with that question, one simple truth must be our anchor point. A good God who sacrificed His Son on the cross, can be trusted. ALWAYS.
- Faith is not blindly leaping into the dark, it is stepping out in the dark (the current situation and my lack of understanding) onto an unending platform that God puts there. That platform is called HIS WORD. What God says about Himself must be the platform on which I stand in the midst of the emotions, sadness, and loss. Consider those mentioned in Hebrews 11 who suffered and lost their loved ones for the cause of Christ. By faith they believed that God knew what He was doing even though they would not see the end result yet. They trusted God’s character and remembered His actions.
- #6 God’s gospel rescues me from myself. People without God go through grief and loss by their own means and on their own terms.
- But we are all weak. I don’t have all the answers.
- I won’t always feel right or think right. But God will keep reminding me in His word that He is the one who is strong, not me. (Look at Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.) My weakness is an opportunity for His strength to be on display. So the gospel changes how I can respond to death around me.
- The Bible understands our weakness. God knows that we are dust. I know that statement does not sound great, but those words of the Psalmist are actually very encouraging (Psalms 103:14). He promises that even when we think we are facing something too great for us to handle, God does not think that way (I Corinthians 10:13).
- This is where sanctifying grace is so special to us. God saves me by grace, but His grace is also an all-sufficient spiritual power to take me through this grief and to change me into His likeness. The sufficiency of grace is that God wants us to know its power. We are to depend upon grace and not on drugs or feelings or even other people.
- #6 God’s gospel reminds me that I have been forgiven. And that forgiveness calls me to forgive others (Colossians 3:13). This forgiveness of God must bring me down to the level of anyone who has caused me evil and thus caused me grief.
- I am not to be angry at those who have done evil to me. What if a drunk driver lost control of his car and hit my friend’s car? The gospel calls me to reach out to the drunk driver that killed my friend. The drunk driver will live with his choice, and I must leave God to be his judge and society’s laws to deal with his wrong.
- If society does not bring justice in the situation, I still must turn the person who did me harm over to God. God will repay. The gospel rescues me from a life of revenge and bitterness. Otherwise, the grief will destroy me from within, and I will become a bitter person (Romans 12::14-21).
- #7 God’s gospel helps me to see that I did not deserve the hope that I have been given. How wonderful Ephesians 2:1-10 with the details of God’s mercy and grace should sound to us.
- Grace. God’s grace has come to my heart.
- So should I blame someone else? That blame is my pride saying I would never do something so hurtful or foolish that would cause others pain.
- But for the grace of God, I would have been the one behind that wheel and under the influence of that bottle that killed my friend.
