Ephesians 5 has a powerful section of teaching by Paul in which he unloads an incredible command to  husbands.  They are to love their wives. But not just that. They are to obey in the same way or parallel to the manner in which Christ loved the church. And the specific manner is his giving of himself for her.  Unfortunately, you may not remember many times that you heard this statement unpacked for men so that they could get a better understanding of what it would look like to live with and to love their wives in this manner. And honestly – we men need it laid out in clear, simple language.  So the gospel, that Jesus came to die in our place so that we, the church, could be his bride, is directly connected to how the marriage relationship is to be experienced. In other words, wives should see the gospel on display every day through the way that their husbands love them. Sacrificial, servant-leader husbands will love their wives as they lead them on a daily basis. This is the good news that everyone of us need to be reminded of: Christ died “for us.” The self-denial reflected in Christ will help men love their wives well.

Consider some ways that the gospel was applied to us and could be reflected to our wives:

• He died “for us” while we were his enemies and opposed to him (Ephesians 2:1-4). Am I willing to sacrifice for my wife in this kind of way?
• We were people that wanted to go our own way (Isaiah 53:6). And yet God pursued us. Can I pursue my wife and care for her even if she is going her own way?
• We did not want God, his thoughts, or his ways (Romans 3:10-12). How can I show my wife what God did in coming to earth for us.
• We were only focused on what was best for us in our minds and thoughts. We were self-centered and blind. But after experiencing the love of God, I can show my wife what it is like to love her first and not wait for her to do things for me.

Think about ways that Jesus came in human form so that we would know a personal God:

• God’s love was evident in the miracles of Jesus. He cared about those around him. How will my wife know God’s love through my love towards her?
• Jesus prayed for his disciples. He listened and walked with them. He led them. Does my wife know Christ like discipleship in my praying and listening and walking with her?
• Jesus brought comfort to Mary and Martha. Does my wife know comfort in my personal presence and even sharing in her hurts and loss?
• Jesus paid attention to women and children, not just the men around him. Does my wife know that she matters in the grand scheme of life?

Think on ways that gospel living could show up through me to my wife:

• Will I care for my wife when she is sick or tired or emotionally drained?
• Will I respond well and help her when she is fearful or anxious?
• Will I embrace her physical and emotional changes on a monthly basis and still let her know I love her through these things?
• Will I encourage her faith in a gentle manner when her faith falters and she struggles with the realities of a sinful, fallen world? Will I be patient and longsuffering?
• Will I stand with her and act on her behalf when family or friends treat her poorly? Does she know that we are “one in Christ” and undivided before Him?
• Will I walk with her and notice the physical activities or responsibilities that she just can’t do or struggles to keep up with on her own?
• Will I help her know God’s design and plan for her and minister his love to her? Do I want above all that she will become more like Jesus by her knowing his love through me?
• Do I know what her personal walk with God is like on a weekly basis?

Consider the loving, servant-leader Jesus and what he was like. How will a husband follow Jesus in gospel living? Mark 10:35-45 shows us the attitude and actions of Jesus (the Greek word is diakonos) that are directly connected to the gospel. He came to “seek and to save” the lost. He was a diakonos kind of leader (defined as menial work).

• What tasks are menial, but that we could help our wives in doing?
• What kinds of acts, words, and deeds will speak volumes on a daily basis?
• How often do I ask how she is doing and care about how she answers?
• Am I willing to wash floors, dishes, change diapers, read to the kids, help change the sheets, get the kids out of bed, help them get ready for school, help with homework, prepare a meal, or clean up after the meal? (Just a short list of “menial” chores and tasks that need to be done.)

Consider what Paul says in Philippians 2:1-11 as he unpacks the picture of Jesus, the doulos kind of leader (defined as a bond-slave in the New Testament), who would accomplish our redemption. He laid down his rights and privileges for our sake and for our salvation. 

• Can you turn off the email and the cell phone so you can engage with your wife?
• Do you demand your “rights” or do you lay them down in order to love like Christ did?
• Do you want special privileges as the man in the house – think of Jesus as the head of all things.
• Are you owed certain status as the husband or will you be like Jesus?
• Are you owned by Christ or by your own desires and passions?
• Is your stuff off limits to anyone in the house, including your wife?
• Do you know how to do everything in your power and ability to help your wife and make life better for her in how she experiences the daily events of your household?
• Is your “gospel love” for your wife one that will draw her to change and be like Christ?

So what now?

• I encourage you to start applying the gospel to your marriage and to the way you live with your wife.
• I encourage you to find someone who will keep you accountable to follow through.
• I encourage you to tell your wife that you will live out some of this truth starting tomorrow.
• I encourage you to buy the book. Share it with your small group. Challenge one another to live the way Jesus did. Do it for the glory of God and the good of your wife. 

You can order the Gospel-focused Husband mini-book with all of the applications and illustrations here.

Week #1   Introduction of our goal and journey together 

Week #2   Understanding the heart of temptation 

Week #3   Understanding the battle (part 1)

Week #4   Understanding the battle (part 2)  

Week #5  The path to victory (part 1)   

Week #6  The path to victory (part 2)   

Week #7  Our view of God is foundational to purity 

Week #8  We need to walk in the shadow of the cross 

Week #1   Introduction of our goal and journey together

1. Our goal for these weeks together: We want to experience and know Rom. 8:28-32. The God of the cross and substitution for our sin has given us what we need to be like Jesus. This is GOOD NEWS! God will not fail to work out this life purpose in us.

Discussion: What is Jesus like in regard to sin and temptation? How did he please the Father every day he lived on planet earth? What do you think it is like to live this way?

2. Our encouragement: We are surrounded by other sinners who have similar struggles to what we have known. 1 Cor. 10:1-14 describes the idolatry that Israel fell into and we are warned not to do something similar. There are two types of people that Paul describes in v. 12-13. He says some people fall because of their pride, thinking that they can handle life. While other people are overwhelmed with shame and defeat when they fall and miss the core of v.13 which says “but God.”  So there are two encouragements: (1) We have to see God in this struggle and (2) We need to see the struggle as something that is common to many thousands of men and women. 

Discussion: Why do we feel like our situation and struggle is unique? How do we struggle to see God in our times of temptation? Why do we tend to quit?

• Our hope: So where do we find our hope in this battle of the heart and mind? Rom. 6 is a key chapter that helps us to understand three things related to the battle with sin.
• #1: Jesus broke the power of EVERY sin and he has given us that resurrection power in order to turn our back on temptation to sin. (v. 8-11)
• #2: We need to know that we will serve a god of sin or we will serve our GOD. We cannot serve two masters. We either serve righteousness or sin. (v. 12-18)
• #3: We need to “believe it to be true” for our lives today and every day. (v. 11) Paul says “you must CONSIDER yourselves dead to sin.” He uses a term that was an accounting term. Like a bank statement that says you have $100,000 in your account. But you have to believe it to be true by accessing it and drawing some funds out to build the new addition on your house. Draw on the righteousness of Christ today and deny sin its place.

Discussion: Why do we live like sin still is our master and the more powerful foe? Why does it feel like sin will just keep getting the upper hand?

4. Our commitment: We are asking you to commit to this mutual discipleship for the next few weeks. Commit to the accountability and to the pursuit of a good and great God. Be honest, humble, and open about where you are so you can grow to be more like Jesus. If you need the patterns in the accountability workbook in order to practice good habits of godliness, then use it to get you going. You need to daily read Soul Purity to help you focus on and begin to enjoy all that God is and all that God does.

Commitment: “I will________________________________________________________________________________

 The result: Through this process we guarantee that if you commit yourself to this pursuit of Christ and to the daily discipleship of following God, here is what will happen. You will finally enjoy the delight and pleasure of walking with God rather than going to the cesspool for brief pleasure that ends in shame and loss. You can daily see the goodness and greatness of your God in full view in a way that you will not want to go back to the cesspool.

***Read and see these pictures from the Psalms

• Ps. 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
• Ps. 36:7-9  How precious is your steadfast love, O God!  The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life: in your light do we see light.

6. Our resources: Everyone of us that is a child of God has 5 resources to help us follow Christ and grow and change. (1) We have the Word of God. That Truth of God is core and it is why we believe that biblical counseling is so effective and it is why we believe that true biblical discipleship is full of Bible. It is sufficient for what God has called us to and promises to do in us. (2) We have the Spirit of God. He moved people across centuries to write the Word and he will help you understand it and know it. (3) We have the grace of God. God’s grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 12:9-10) to help us to do the impossible work of living out the Word of God every day. (4) We have the people of God, the church. They are to point us back to the Word of God whenever we need that reminder. (5) We have access to the presence of God through prayer. Cry out to Him. He will never leave you alone. And to back that up we are asking you to daily use these resources (Soul Purity and the Accountability Workbook) because they push you towards these 5 resources of God that will help you change.

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Week #2   Understanding the heart of temptation:

1. Consider the world around us. We are surrounded by people, inundated by TV programs, and offered every kind of internet access as sources to every possible kind of sexual immorality. It is free. It is often even pushed into your face. How are we to avoid it? Let’s understand that the culture and images and freedom of access to immoral stories and images are not the problem. But a heart that is mesmerized by or driven by or has an unsatisfied longing for those things is the BIG problem. We tend to see God as a far off person and we are not drawn to his glory, beauty, and wonder. But we can’t seem to stop looking to the cesspool of sin for pleasure.

Discussion: How do you respond to this problem?

2. What is the heart and why is it the problem? (Matthew 15:1-20) Notice that Jesus confronts the Pharisees about their great concern for all the stuff on the exterior. They wanted everything around them to be “right” according to their traditions. But their hearts were like a tomb with nothing but dead men’s bones inside. Jesus says that the source of sin such as sexual immorality is the heart. The heart of the problem is the problem with our heart.  When God speaks of the heart he describing the deepest part of man’s being from which life flows out of. Notice in Proverbs 4:23 the writer of Proverbs pictures the heart like the source or head waters of the inner man.

Discussion: Response?

3. What does God say about our heart and temptation? (James 1) We are tempted. But the problem with temptation is that there is a Trojan Horse on the inside of me called my heart. I am tempted when I am lured like a trout to the Mepps spinner enticing him out of his deep hole or like a wolf enticed out into the middle of a field by the smell of blood on a carcass dumped there by the hunter. What is my heart’s problem? It is my desires James says. I want something so badly that I will go after it even though that “something” leads to sin and then sin leads to death.

Discussion: Response?

4. What is this idolatry in our heart that drives us to addiction, enslaved to sin? Foundationally our problem in our heart is that we have decided that there is something other than God that we want and that we think will satisfy. We are like the people in Jeremiah’s day (Jeremiah 2) who were going after idols. God compared that act to the sources of water in their day. The people had left or turned from God, the “source of living water,” and went looking for water in broken cisterns. How foolish! How much discontentment this act showed. What adultery they practiced as they turned to someone other than God for pleasure and satisfaction (Jeremiah 3:8-10). Their worship of idols was adultery against God.

Discussion: Which of these images that God uses to describe our temptation to turn from God and to worship something else is the most impacting to your heart? Idolatry? Adultery?  Seeking water from a leaky cistern? Why?

Conclusion: Do you believe that if you change what is going on in your heart that you can live in an immoral culture, surrounded by sexual immorality, and still live godly, holy, and pure like Jesus?  Paul did and he had to deal with Rome and Corinth, to name just a few places he visited and lived in as a representative of God’s kingdom values. It is to these people in Corinth that he said that he mourned over “many of those who …have not repented of the impurity, sexual immorality, and sensuality that they have practiced” 2 Corinthians 12:21. And it was to the church at Rome that he pleaded with them not to participate in the “orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality” of their cities (Romans 13:13). They were surrounded by it but Paul believed they could serve righteousness and holiness and be followers of Christ.

• My conviction is that one of the main reasons the world and the church are awash in lust (by both men and women) is that our lives are intellectually and emotionally disconnected from the infinite, soul-staggering grandeur for which we were made. Inside and outside the church Western culture is drowning in a sea of triviality, pettiness, banality, and silliness. Television is trivial. Radio is trivial…Education is trivial. Christian books are trivial. Worship styles are trivial. It is inevitable that the human heart, which was made to be staggered with the supremacy of Christ, but instead Is drowning in a sea of banal entertainment, will reach for the best buzz that life can give: sex…The deepest cure is to be intellectually and emotionally staggered by the infinite, everlasting, unchanging supremacy of Christ in all things. (John Piper, “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ”) Consider the exercise in BIG God thoughts: p. 127  in Soul Purity.

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Week #3   Understanding the battle (part 1):

We need to understand that we are not playing games in life. We are in a battle for our soul. We have to fight back against Satan, the deceiver and destroyer. We are going to fight against our old self and its desires. And we must fight against the world system and it influences used by Satan as well to deceive us or lull us to sleep. Together, these three would turn us away from God and all the good that God has planned for us.

1. We need to see the struggle we are in to have a pure soul. It is right in the middle of the war against the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2:1-4) and all his cosmic powers of darkness and evil. Ephesians 6:10-20 reminds us of this warfare and of the hidden powers that would attack us. If this reminder wakes us up and causes us to be more mindful of the arena of spiritual warfare, then that is good. But we must not see this warfare as something we should fear as if God is fearful that he may lose. Not only is “he that is in us is greater than he who is in the world,” (1 John 4:4) but God has given us everything we need for our armor and for our weapons, as mentioned in Ephesians 6, to defeat the evil one every time (“extinguish all the flaming darts” 17).

Discussion: What makes living with a sense of the hidden, spiritual realm so difficult? Do you think understand what the armor in Ephesians 6 is so that you can use it well?

2. This unseen battle, then, as acknowledged by Paul in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, is not about the problems of our flesh and the immediate interaction with the visible world around us. Yes we feel them luring us into sin and its lusts to pursue sexual immorality. But the key is this: we are in a battle of the heart and mind and that is the realm in which Lucifer works. We need to be aware of the kinds of thoughts and desires that are against a holy God. The pride of our heart may allow for a stronghold, a place protected by our own sinful desires. It is a treasure that we protect in our innermost heart that must be torn down. This is how we obey Christ and pursue his likeness and not our own foolish lusts and temporal pleasure.

Discussion & prayer: Ask God to help you see what kind of inner desires and pleasures you are not yet willing to release or tear down and give back this worship arena to God. Take time to confess and be honest with someone about this struggle.

3. Again in Romans 13:12-14 Paul uses this imagery of warfare in a passage where he calls us to wake up. We are like soldiers that are sleeping in our time of duty. The “hour” of Christ’s return is fast approaching. We are not to live like those who do wicked things in the dark, but instead we are to “put on the armor of light” and walk as those of the kingdom of light by putting off sexual immorality and sensuality. Instead we are to put on the Lord Jesus Christ AND we are not to “make any provision for the flesh.” The idea of provision is one of planning ahead (pre-meditated) and leaving a door open that should be closed, or giving the enemy a beachhead for invasion. Don’t leave any place open for your heart to indulge in its cesspool pleasures. Don’t plan your day in such a way that leads not only to temptation but to sinful choices. Choose the path of righteousness in Christ. Put His kinds of planning for kingdom living into your daily calendar.

Discussion: How does someone tend to leave an open door for temptation and sin? How    do we allow our conscience to become lax towards things that allow the flesh its pleasures?

4. One of the problems of living in a country where we have our needs met and our problems are things such as which clinic to go to or which insurance to rely on or which car should we buy this time, we tend to forget how much we have and how blessed we are by God. Difficult times drive us back to God (And the loss or change in one of those very things mentioned above may be the catalyst for seeking him). In Psalms 106:13-48 the writer says this problem is exactly why the Israelites turned to idolatry. They “forgot” God and all his goodness to them. When we are not daily declaring our dependence on and thankfulness to God, we can too easily turn to our immoral idolatry. And then we become like the idols and the nations that don’t know God (Psalms 115:1-4). It is difficult to have a wartime mentality in a seemingly non-war situation.

Discussion: How can we be thankful people in a place of plenty? How can we make sure that we don’t take for granted God’s goodness? What are some practical helps for daily living?

Prayer: Now take time together to give God thanks for specific ways he has helped you and that the good things you have are sourced in Him.

 Thus says the Lord: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool; what is the house that you would build for me, and what is the place of my rest? ² All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.” Is. 66:1-2

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Week #4   Understanding the battle (part 2):

The battle takes place in our soul, our heart, our inner man. This means that as Paul says, we are either walking in the Spirit or we are walking according to the flesh. They are at war with one another. We cannot please God and become more like Christ when we are walking in the flesh and its realms of pleasure.

1. Galatians 5:16-26 is the key passage that helps us to see the battle going on between these two realms. If we are in step with the Spirit and the Word of God, then we WILL NOT fulfill the “lusts” or desires of our old flesh and its wicked longings. This walk in the Spirit is not a magical or mystical act that some super Christians can do so they please God while the rest of us miss out. It is a submitting of our life to God the Spirit and depending on God the Spirit in everyday life. It is an awareness of God every hour as He is within us and we walk with Him.

• If we are truly a child of God, then we have the Spirit of God within us and we can either please him or grieve him. Notice that the word “desires” is a core source of either walking in step with the Spirit or in step with the flesh. Identify which kinds of desires, wants, and longings of your heart are righteous and which ones are immoral and ungodly.  We who “belong to Christ Jesus” have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (v.24). So allow your affections, loves, longings, and desires to be turned towards God through the Spirit.

Discussion: How does this work? What practical ways can you set in place daily so that you walk in step with the Spirit? How does Prayer, as one of our key resources for access to God, help us? What specific desires and affections do we need to “crucify” in order to not give in to the flesh and its passions?

2. Paul has several commands in Ephesians 5:15-21 and one of them is that we be filled with the Spirit. This simply means that we have given him control so that we do not give the flesh and its desires their way (there is the battle ground of our heart, its desires and its affections). We need to start every day with a conscious choice to allow God control. Pray that prayer daily. The flesh can’t have its way unless you ignore God’s Spirit as you begin the day.

• Here Paul uses a different contrast. He says, unfortunately we can give our physical body over to the control of wine and be drunken and debauched (the Ephesians saw that in town daily, especially at the temple of Diana). Instead, we are to be controlled by the Spirit of God, allowing Him to move within us for righteousness. The way this happens is that we are (v.15) careful about how we are walking, being wise about our choices, and we are using our time well, because evil is always ready to take a slice out of our day and our hearts.

Discussion: Since we are talking so much about the Spirit of God, is he a person we know? How would you say that God’s Spirit is essential to us, even if we don’t always acknowledge Him? How does he help us walk in wisdom and help us make good use of our time?

3. Consider the two words we identified earlier that God uses to describe the sin path away from Him and into our world of wicked choices.

• God says that it is idolatry (Ezekiel 8:1-14). This idolatry is like a soldier in wartime who goes over to the enemy for a period of time. We are a “deserter” from God’s kingdom for these brief moments of pleasure in immorality. This worship of other things besides God is so evil that it has to be hidden. Those feelings, desires, and bodily urges that you allow to drive you are your idols. They replace desires for God and His holiness and righteousness.

Discussion: How do we hide our idolatry? When I asked a man about his masturbation and he said he saw no reason that God disapproved, I asked him if he hid this activity from his wife or his closest Christian friends. Would he be free to explain his need for it? Why is night time the easiest time to go after pornography? Or why is it when you are all alone that you struggle with it?

• The other word God uses to describe the path of sin is adultery (Ezekiel 23). Adultery is equally an image of betrayal. We have betrayed our God and the enemy is glad. It is the only way Satan gets any advantage or opportunity against God is through us. God describes our relationship with him as a bride and groom. And we betray him for the cesspool.

            Confess: Pray and ask God’s help to be faithful to Him alone. Commit to God that by His    

grace you will no longer betray his love to you but that you will pursue the closest and most intimate walk with Him on a daily basis so that nothing else will come between you and Him.

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Week #5  The path to victory (part 1):

• We need to guard our heart so that we can protect it from the attacks of the evil one. When necessary, we need to take radical steps in order to give our heart an infusion of righteous delight and desire for God.  Why is this true and what does it look like?

1. Proverbs 4:23 says you are to “guard your hearts with all vigilance for out of it flow the springs of life.” The imagery that the writer uses is a military one where a soldier is protecting an important landmark. We have established that it is not what is around us that is the problem when it comes to sexual immorality. It is the heart within us that has such wicked desires. HOWEVER, since that is true, we need time to reorient our heart to pure, godly delights in the immortal, unchanging God. So we will, for a period of time, need to set ourselves apart from the influences and input that have been our immoral diet. We can’t just keep dumping the cesspool of images into our soul and expect to have new desires and thoughts and actions.

Discussion: What kind of temporary steps are necessary in order to do “radical amputation” of the lusts and desires of the old man?

2. Colossians 3:1-9 See where Paul says you are to “set your mind on things above; put to death earthly desires, which are idolatry.” He implores us to put on the new self which is made after the creator, put on God’s characteristics. And then, let the word of Christ dwell in you richly through which will flow God’s music and it will fill your heart with thankfulness to God. So there is a putting to death or denying those idolatrous desires and then a putting on of the godliness and Christlikeness we were made for.

Discussion: What kinds of study can we do and what kinds of input do we need in order to put new thoughts, eternal images, and holy affections into our heart in the place of the old?

3. Matthew 5 Jesus says that we are blessed if we mourn, and are meek. We are blessed if we hunger and thirst after righteousness. Blessed are the pure in heart. This is it my friends. When we can come to the place where our soul mourns over the cesspool and is meekly following Christ, then we are on the right path. Then we will hunger and thirst after God and His righteous ways. Like the psalmist who “panted after God” like the deer who longed for water. He thirsted for the “Living God.” (Psalms 42) We will find God giving to us a pure heart. THIS is the blessed or happy man. He has found that God dwells within and God makes him new. Jesus is ENOUGH for me!

• Is there anything which Christians can find in heaven or earth, so worthy to be the objects of their admiration and love, their earnest and longing desires, their hope, and their rejoicing, and their fervent zeal, as those things that are held forth to us in the gospel of Jesus Christ? In which not only are things declared most worthy to affect us, but they are exhibited in the most affecting manner. The glory and beauty of the blessed Jehovah, which is most worthy in itself, to be the object of our admiration and love, is there exhibited in the most affecting manner that can be conceived of, as it appears, shining in all its luster, in the face of an incarnate, infinitely loving, meek, compassionate, dying Redeemer … So has God disposed things, in the affair of our redemption, and in his glorious dispensations, revealed to us in the gospel, as though everything were purposely contrived in such a manner, as to have the greatest possible tendency to reach our hearts in the most tender part, and move our affections most sensibly and strongly. Jonathan Edwards, Religious Affections, part I.III.3

Prayer: Let’s take time right now to ask God for a glimpse of this kind of life and heart. Let’s not settle for anything less than what God made us for in worship of Him. Consider what it was like for Adam and Eve to enjoy unfettered worship with God.

4. Masturbation is a hindrance to many on the path to victory. We need to address this activity here in order to help you follow Jesus completely on the righteous path. One major help will be to use biblical terminology to describe this kind of activity. The word masturbation for most of the world systems and its counseling, along with many Christian counselors, is seen as useful and helpful. So why should we go after it? We are left with a habit that accompanies our struggle for a pure heart and soul. Let’s describe it as self-sex. That term more biblically defines and describes the activity. And the New Testament clearly says that sex is to be within marriage and not for our own pleasure, but for that of our spouse (1 Corinthians 7). Now I realize you may have many questions that follow this definition and we would be glad to work through them. See Appendix 5 in Soul Purity for a full discussion.

Questions:

• Is self-sex something all Christians should be encouraged to do?
• Can a believer do this for God’s glory and reflect God’s image while doing it?
• My body is not my own (1 Cor. 6:19-20) so how does self-sex please God?
• If married, how does self-sex fit Paul’s teaching on unselfish love and focus on your mate? How does self-sex fit into his teaching in 1 Cor. 13:4-7 and Phil. 2:3-4?
• If you were to describe this self-sex act to anyone, would it be something beautiful in comparison to what God has designed within marriage?
• What about the single or divorced individual? Is this a “gift from God” as some put it in order to help you? Think. It only causes more desire and drives us down the self-indulging path. So Jesus, a single man, taught self-denial, not self-indulgence (Luke 9:23). Continue to follow Jesus and be like Jesus. That is the goal.

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Week #6  The path to victory (part 2): 

Now we want to return for a few moments to a couple of passages that we introduced the first night in order to give us all hope in this battle for our soul and the worship of our God.  Now that we have traced the path of godliness and soul purity to solid ground, these passages will be more powerful and encouraging even than when we began.

1. I Corinthians 10:1-14 says that idolatry and sin in general is the common struggle of man. Paul points us back to the practice of sexual immorality in Israel that brought more sin and death. They wanted something more than the God that brought them out of Egypt. That something was their idol. They were willing to break God’s law in order to have that We each have our own particular path and bent away from God and it is on this path that we choose to sin against God. We have our idolatry that must be destroyed in our hearts.

• Paul speaks to the Corinthian church about the examples or illustrations of idolatry in Israel and then Paul says in v.12-13 that either we tend towards pride (ignoring our sin) or shame (feeling like we will never outlive our sinful choices). See God’s promise to you here. He is with you always. He will walk through this life and this day and this battle with you. You are facing something that thousands of others have faced and they have been victorious by trusting God and by pursuing righteousness rather than twisted desires.

Discussion: What has God shown you in the last few weeks that now is truly hammered home by God’s work and word? What is helping you destroy the idolatry in your heart?

2. Romans 6 reminds us of the claims of Christ on our life. We have the resurrection power of Christ in our souls! Think for a moment on that statement. What was that like for Jesus to raise up from the tomb and walk out? What was that like for the power of sin and death to be broken forever? We have to believe what we know about God, His Spirit, His grace, and His church. These are the promises God has given to us who follow Jesus and who say no to sin and say yes to God. We must believe this to be true every day that we put walk planet earth until Jesus returns to set up His kingdom. And we can’t just believe it is true for the person next to us. It must be true for me! I must know by faith that as I walk daily in the shadow of an empty cross and an empty tomb that Jesus has conquered this for me and I can walk in newness of life.

Discussion:  Let’s say out loud what kind of power this is when Christ rose from the dead.

3. Titus 2:11-14 We need to allow the work of grace in our souls. Paul says that the grace of God brought us salvation. Hallelujah!Grace instructs us to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures and it reminds us that we have been given this salvation by no merit or work of our own. It is a good, good God that did this. GRACE! And grace says we should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God. This grace brought us Christ, who gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.

Discussion: Share how grace should be such a huge encouragement to keep us from sexual sins.

4. How did you do this week in living out this resurrection power? How did you do in practicing rhythms of godliness from the accountability workbook? Encourage one another in what God is doing. Don’t focus on the negative or the seeming failure. Look at God and remind one another of the truth that you are living out by faith. Seek to identify specific ways that you are different from when we began together.

• For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57:15
• Define a “good” week: (1) A week where I was too busy to be tempted. (2) A week where I fell a couple of times, but then was ashamed and told myself I wouldn’t go back to that act again. (3) A week where I was tempted, but I was walking in the Spirit and finding my satisfaction in Christ alone. I saw my heart desires as wicked and as desires for adultery against Jesus. I wanted to be like Jesus this week.

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Week #7  Our view of God is foundational to purity

• Every person lives out their view of God every day. What I say (verbal theology) to others about God isn’t nearly as important as how I live (practical theology) before others.  This is my true belief lived out. When we consider the attributes of God they are astounding. But what does it do for us every day to say that God sees everything, knows everything, and is more powerful than any other being in the universe? It is a contradiction to say those things and then live in our moral life as if God doesn’t care, doesn’t know, doesn’t see, or just plain ignores us. You could say we are living like the atheist who says there is no God. So what we have to ask ourselves is this. What part of God’s character (what he is like) or person (who he is and what he has done) do I doubt or deny most in my heart and in my life choices?

Discussion: How are you functioning like this aspect of God is not true or you are functioning like you don’t really want to be like him?  When you commit the act of self-sex, what is going on? What are you thinking as you mouse over that image and click on that link to the next website? What are you denying our doubting about God as you surf through the channels on the TV? Remind yourself of Jeremiah 2 where God describes himself as “the fountain of living waters” compared to the “broken cisterns” we turn to.

• There may be many kinds of doubts that still lead us to sexual immorality. Our heart’s belief and confidence in God can change from the Creator to His creation or to the immediate situation.  The fleshly activities, including sexual immorality, usually come out of our responses to things that happen in life and that lead to these activities of immoral flavor. For example we worry (Matthew 6:24-25), we feel hurt (Psalm 34:18), we struggle to forgive others (Colossians 3:13), we get angry (Ephesians 4:31), or we gossip (2 Corinthians 12:20), we feel discontentment with life (Philippi

Discussion: Why do we turn from God? He asks that in Jeremiah 2:5. What is wrong with God that we went elsewhere for satisfaction?  We turn from God because we are ungrateful; we tend to complain, because we become unsatisfied with Him and forget all his goodness to us.  Think carefully as this reflects back to his character and being, his person and role in our lives that we looked at above.

• Practical thoughts about our access to the internet, phone, and all kinds of content on TV:  What do I need to be aware of as I access the internet and the TV?  One way to describe my use media is that I need to be aware of using it simply as a “toy” for my entertainment rather than as a tool. The focus in this statement is that our defenses tend to be down when we are in the self-pleasure mode. One person is no better for never watching TV or never going on the internet. They could be indulging the same fleshly desires and images in their mind through the fiction books they read. We tend to let our eyes and senses take us wherever they want to go. This activity is fulfilling 1 John 2:15-17 and the warning that John gives us about the lusts of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life. Another problem with this kind of activity is that it tends to be temporal, living in the moment, rather than considering eternal pursuits. So my mindset is crucial to how I approach this mode of delivering information, stories, and other content. For instance, I can watch a movie with my wife or family and discuss the themes that reflect what we see in the Bible about God and man. This isn’t wasted time. My motive isn’t self-consuming. My feeling isn’t “I deserve some time to myself after all I did that was good this week.” We can live a kind of “catholic theology” in practice when we do life this way, as if God owes us some sin pleasure for a bit to balance out all the good we did for him this week. I am not superintended by the Spirit nor am I walking in step with him when I live this way. I am desiring some time for the flesh. So I am not setting out a list of approved books, internet sites, or movies that someone has given me. I am concerned for my heart attitude and desires as I participate. I can set myself up for failure to temptation just by being in this self-pleasure mode.

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Week #8  We need to walk in the shadow of the cross

• When we walk in the shadow of the cross, we can’t help but be humbled by what we see. God died for us. God died because of our sinful indulgence and because of our awful desire to go to the cesspool for satisfaction. This process of viewing the cross is not to shame us or make us crawl into a corner and quit. The cross is a visual reminder that should lead us to gratefulness. A thankful heart  is connected to God’s love, grace, and mercy, all of which are specific aspects of God’s goodness that call us to thank Him and praise Him. This kind of heart has no place for pride and self-confidence. It is a heart that revels in what God did at Golgotha and that it was for us. Should we mourn over our sin in light of the cross? Yes of course. But mourning at the cross leads to joy and wonder as we follow Jesus out of the tomb and as he ascends to heaven. Jesus accomplished the Father’s will and that plan and purpose of God included the cross.  So let the shadow of the cross keep us humble and thankful. Neither self-exalting arrogance nor self-focused shame are appropriate responses to the cross. 

Prayer: Let’s take time to pray to God in humble adoration and thanksgiving for the cross

• Peter mourns when he remembers Christ’s words to him. How proud Peter was to say to Jesus that he would never deny him. (Mark 14:72) We may feel like we would never deny Christ like that, but how have we, in practice, denied the existence of God/Christ?  Then Paul calls us to represent the cross well as ambassadors of God. In 2 Corinthians 5 Paul calls us to follow Jesus in the following ways.

 Verse 14: We are to be motivated by the love of Christ for us. So often we can choose some other motive or reason for leaving the cesspool behind, but nothing other than love for God and the love of God for us will permanently drive out this desire for more trash and lust for immorality.

Discussion: What are some lesser motivations that lose their effect?    

• Verse 15: We are to live no longer for ourselves but for Him who died for us. But why should we do this? What was this sin problem really like between us and God? We were on the side of the enemy. We were of those who wanted God dead. We were guilty of standing with the whip for his back and the nails for his hands and feet. We were against God! And now, we are reconciled. What a beautiful word this is that is possible only because of the cross. Did you and I do something to make this possible? No, we would not ever have done so. God did it on his own. He made this reconciliation possible. So stop living for self-gratification and pleasure and live for Him. He did the cross work for us so we could do the life work for Him.
• Verse 20: We have a responsibility to God as ambassadors of the cross. This life then isn’t about what people think of me, it is about what they will think of God. And I will blow it. I have blown it. But that shouldn’t be a life pattern They should think of a sacrificial God because they see in my a loving, sacrificial person who loves my neighbors at least as much as I love myself. If I was lost and in their place I would want someone to love me for Christ and love me to Christ.

Discussion: What kinds of reactions and thoughts are in your mind concerning these verses? What good and wonderful truth is laid into this passage that should help us leave the cesspool behind us forever?

Picture it in your mind:

• Think on the sufferings of Jesus.
• Take in the Garden scene as Jesus bows in prayer before the Father, feeling the weight of what is coming. Let the image of Jesus fill your heart as he is being beat up by evil, proud, religious bigots, like bullies taking their time beating up the person they don’t like.
• See the brutality of the soldier as he whips Christ, leaving his back laced by the whip and openly bleeding so that his garment sticks to him when they replace it.
• Watch him walk the road to Golgotha, weary and alone, knowing that soon he will bear the greater weight of the sins of the world.
• See him exposed on the cross for your sin, pierced for your breaking of God’s moral law, dying in agony to fulfill the wrath of the Father-God-Judge that must punish evil eternally, once-and-for-all.
• IT IS FINISHED! This is the payment that God extracts from His Son in order that you and I might once again experience the joy and gladness, wonder and thrill of walking with God.

Discussion: What are some practical ways we can keep the cross in view on a daily basis?

In my life, I have been discouraged multiple times. However, I have been depressed twice. What is the difference? Discouragement is generally a loss of enthusiasm or confidence in a person or because of a situation. Of course, there are varying degrees and duration of discouragement; but the emotion does not usually become debilitating. Discouragement is also generally confined to emotion. Depression in a very broad sense is a very different “beast.” It crosses over from emotion to dictate how we think, what we believe, and how we act. When discouraged, we usually continue our daily activities under a rather mild blanket of sadness. When depressed, we absolutely do not function or at least barely function. The level of irrationality and debilitation is profound.

Depression, of course, has varying degrees of depth and duration for those of us that have walked that valley, and it has various “ground zeroes.” A negative memory, a post-partum experience, a financial loss, a severe illness, a sexual assault from the present or past, a death of a loved one, an abandonment, or a divorce are any number of “ground zero” situations to set up people for depression.

It was a heart condition, AFIB and a blood clot in my heart, in the summer of 2018 that plunged me into a desperate, dark, lonely, grief-stricken depression. My fight with this monster called depression lasted approximately 5 months. I watched myself descend, and I watched myself come out of the dark.  I had been there before, so I had the knowledge of what was happening. Please read about my other experience here.

Admittedly, depression’s causes and links are hard to pin down. Depression can be learned from someone dear to you who perhaps was depressed all the time; depression can be physical as in a post-partum experience or post-surgery; depression can be linked to a personality tendency; depression can be spurred on by loneliness or friend-lessness; depression has many sources. No matter the reason or the cause, the story of Job gave me hope and inspiration as I studied it during my encounter with depression. And I noticed many stunning truths. The greatest lesson I learned is that no matter the “reason” or “duration” of the depression, the hope came back down to one simple truth. Let me lead you to that truth as we look at Job’s story.

In God’s sovereignty and at God’s appointment, God chose a man who “feared God and stayed away from evil” (Job 1:1) to walk through a deep, dark, horrific depression. I believe that the book of Job reveals through Job’s thoughts, beliefs, and actions at the time, that he was facing depression. Here are the catalysts for depression that Job faced:

1. Loss of loved ones in one day (All of his children perished.)
2. Loss of relationship (Job’s extended family is not evident here at all.)
3. Illness (Boils covered his entire body; he sat in dust and ashes scraping the sores.)
4. Loss of friends (Their advice was insulting and showed that they really did not know him.)
5. Loss of finances (He lost his entire livelihood in one day.)
6. Marital difficulties (He lacked the support of his wife during this trial.)
7. Pride (Perhaps for the first time in his life, he questions God.)
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8. Loss of all his animals

Evidently, the only “ground zero” that I do not see in the life of Job is sexual assault or physical assault. But other than that, in a very short span of time, Job faced all of these listed hardships at once. You can feasibly be doing “everything right,” focusing on God and detesting evil, and the circumstances that touch your body and soul and your surroundings create a layer of depression that overshadows your life entirely. At this point, don’t ask “Why?” Ask “What?” What is God doing in my life?

In the following verses, I wanted to show you how Job processed his experience and how I processed mine during my 5 months of depression in order to parallel our experiences. My pain does not measure up to Job’s, but our reactions (and others’ reactions) are similar in the middle of depression.

(The verses are taken from the ESV.)

Job 3:3–Job says, “Let the day perish on which I was born.”

My daily thoughts—“What is the point of staying alive.”

Job 3:21—Job says, He “digs for [death] more than for hidden treasures.”

My daily thoughts—“I simply want to die.”

Job 3:26—Job says, “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest.”

My daily thoughts—“I will never again feel peace or contentment in my life.”

Job 6:11—Job says, “What is my strength, that I should wait? And what is my end that I should be patient?”

My daily thoughts—“I simply cannot go on like this.”

Job 7:7—Job says, “My eye will never again see good.”

My daily thoughts—“I will never feel happy again.”

Job 7:16—Job says, “I loath my life.”

My daily thoughts—“I am lonely and alone.”

Job 10:9—Job says, “Remember that you have made me like clay.”

My daily thoughts—“I feel like a pawn in your hands.”

Job 16:7—Job says, “Surely, now, God has worn me out.”

My daily thoughts—“Why are you doing this to me, God?”

Job 17:11—Job says, “My plans are broken.”

My daily thoughts—“The future will hold no joy for me.”

Job 19:13—Job says, “Those who knew me are wholly estranged from me.”

My daily thoughts—“There is no one that understands my plight.”

Job 19:22—Job says of his friend’s words, “Why do you, like God, pursue me?

My daily thoughts—“This is not fair.”

Job 21:15—Job says, “What profit do we get if we pray to him [God]?”

My daily thoughts—“Praying does nothing.”

Job 23:17—Job says, “Thick darkness covers my face.”

My daily thoughts—“Darkness overshadows every day.”

Job 30:11—Job says, “God has loosed my cord and humbled me.”

My daily thoughts—“This has humbled me like no other time in my life.”

Job 30:16—Job says, “Days of affliction have taken hold of me.”

My daily thoughts—“My life is over.”

The statements that Job expressed are starkly shared by those that are expressed by many of us in the midst of depression. I do not claim to be an expert on the subject of depression, but I do speak from experience. In my brutally honest reporting of my thoughts, my daily death-wishes were tempered by a hope that Job saw as well.

So what was God doing?

God used this trying time in Job’s life to draw Job into a closer walk with Himself. Our God is not a punisher. We must see God as one who has open arms and is always drawing us to Himself, deeper and richer. He uses poetic questions to bring Job back to the realization that if God in His infinite wisdom watches over a hawk that soars, how much more does he care for us?

Job 38:4—“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?”

Job 38:12—“Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?”

Job 38:22—“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or have you seen the storehouses of the hail?”

Job 38:31—“Can you bind the chains of Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion?”

Job 39:26—“Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars and spreads its wings toward the south?”

Job is humbled by God’s questions, and Job learns a valuable truth in the end:

Job 40:3-5—“Then Job answered the Lord and said: Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further.”

Job 42:6—“I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees you.”

What does Job mean when he says, “But now my eye sees you”? Job knew of God by tradition of his forefathers; however, now, his senses are heightened and there is a clarity of closeness to his precious Father God.

What is the valuable truth through all of this? It is this: God is asking you and me in that intimate relationship with Him, “AM I ENOUGH?”  No matter what comes my way, He is sufficient; and He is mine.  “Trust in me,” “I’m thinking on you,” “My grace is sufficient,” are all truths that came back to me as I faced the black waves of depression. God was enough. God is enough. God will be enough.

*****Note: I’m writing this article during COVID19 simply because I have the time to process my notes from a year ago. Even in these circumstances, the truth is applicable here as well: God is enough.

One afternoon, I sat with a woman for the express purpose of asking her about her walk with God.  She responded, “I prayed the prayer when I was 12. I’m good to go.”  Then she said, “Why would anyone want to go to Heaven. It sounds so boring to sit around and sing all the time.  I’m not that impressed.” At the time, she had no interest in other believers, no interest in a church body, no interest in Bible or Christian literature, no interest in praise and worship music, no interest in the imperatives of the New Testament.  However, she was thoroughly convinced that she was going to avoid Hell because “she prayed the prayer.” And people all her life told her that she was “saved.” She definitely did not have any fruit in her life whatsoever.  “By their fruits, you will know them (Matthew 7:16).” Sadly, there was not a spec of fruit. And Jesus said that “if you love me, you’ll keep my commandments.”  The two Great Commandments in the NT are to love Him whole-heartedly and to love neighbors as ourselves.  You cannot interpret those imperatives any other way. A close friend of this woman told me this: “Well, she loves God in her heart.”  The people that surround unsaved people telling them that they are saved because “they prayed the prayer” are doing irreparable harm. Are they true believers?

What has the salvation message traditionally been in many circles–in churches, on radio?

How can we rectify years and generations gone by of an emphasis on what “we do” in salvation so that we may have a ticket to Heaven? How can we rectify an egregious misconception that salvation is about me? How can we turn the tide to a pure Gospel message that is all about God’s crushing of His Son so that we could have a relationship with Him?  RELATIONSHIP is the key word here. Many speakers have pushed a false, weighty narrative of “when did you pray?” or “how did you pray?” or “you must remember the time and date” or “if you did not say these words, you are not saved” or “don’t you want to avoid Hell?”  The emphasis was wholly on avoiding Hell and taking care of your future by assuring Heaven.  It almost sounded like a life insurance salesperson’s pitch, sadly. We saw a church sign recently that said, “Do you want to go to Heaven?”  Why not post something like this instead: “Come to know our wonderful Savior.”

For years, surrounded and bombarded by fire and brimstone preaching, many folks live and lived under a “self-made” salvation. Keep the list of dos and don’ts; then you’ll be fine through life. I sincerely believe that many people have no clue what salvation really is and have lived lives “doing salvation” on their terms: “I prayed the right prayer.” “I keep the rules.”  “I attend church.” What is the difference between this mindset and other religions?  Muslims could say the same: “I pray five times a day.” “I keep the rules.” “I attend mosque.”

Salvation is not about avoiding Hell. Salvation is not a “get out of jail” free card. Salvation is not about what “we do.”  Salvation is not about praying the perfect formula prayer. Salvation is not ever about me. Salvation is nothing that we could merit. Salvation is so, so, so much more and so, so, so much better.

Salvation is what God does. Because God does the saving, we are changed forever. How can I know I’m saved?

Salvation is a relationship with a great, loving, good, gracious, and sovereign God through the work of his loving son, Jesus. Salvation is the work of the Spirit and the Spirit alone.  He is the one that draws us, and He is the one that puts this wonderful love (Romans 5) and gratitude in our hearts. How do we enter such a relationship or find such a relationship?  Coming by faith and belief in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, acknowledging our need for Him as a broken sinner, trusting in the work of Jesus’s resurrection and display of power over death, producing an end result of an ever-growing gratitude that drives us to love Him and to desire to live for Him–this is the Good News. All of the focus becomes the work of God’s Son and the love of a Heavenly Father willing to sacrifice His Son for us.

Salvation may be unspoken as a person comes to the end of himself or herself, yielding to the Spirit sitting in solitude in an apartment; or salvation may be a quiet recognition sitting in a car in a parking lot coming to the end of doing life “my way” and giving one’s life to God; salvation may come as the Spirit enlightens someone’s heart during some preaching of the text. The Spirit’s drawing will vary for everyone.  This drawing of the Spirit may involve a verbal prayer, but that prayer will be a heart cry to love Jesus instead of an insurance guarantee for self-gain. We do believe that salvation is an entering into a relationship with Jesus Christ at a specific point in one’s life–being born into the family of God (John 12).  In other words, there is a time that we are dead in sin; and then there is a time that we are alive in God. People do not “grow” into salvation.  They grow in faith after salvation. People do not “always know Jesus.” They come to know Him by faith in His finished work. People do not inherit salvation from parents. They must make a personal decision.

It is not complicated.  If Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me (Matthew 19:14),” then why have folks made this relationship so complicated and limited and self-made? The past 60 years or so in twentieth century American Christianity especially, we have seen great damage done through the man-made emphasis on “Do you want to be in Heaven?” “Do you want to avoid Hell?” “Did you pray the prayer correctly?” In those circles, we rarely heard the glories of the Gospel and the rich relationship that we could enter as we yield our lives to a loving, good, sovereign Savior. A relationship is not the same thing as a ritual.

Think about the creation with me for a moment. God made the man and the woman to love, to worship, to serve, and to enjoy God. The focus was not on what they were like on the exterior, but the focus was simply how Adam and Eve could enjoy God from their hearts. God made the woman to know God, to love God, and to appreciate all of His ways and plans. God also made the woman to be a partner with man. Together they were to serve Him.

Then, because of the fall, life, the way God meant it to be was no longer the reality.  They now had hearts that desired and wished for things they should not have. They blamed each other for the descent into darkness and into sin. Men’s and women’s relationships were radically changed. Out of this depraved fall away from God came, along with many other kinds of sin, the lack of satisfaction with God’s provision and plan in the areas of sex and purity. And thus men exploited women, women exploited men, men blamed women and destroyed women, drawing them away from God. Women, on the other hand, became less satisfied with God and His gospel and kingdom, feeling like men or other women were their “saviors” and feeling that they needed men’s or women’s attention by worshiping their evil desires. Women felt more valued if someone besides God wanted their bodies rather than being satisfied and enjoying how they were valued by God. Out of this backdrop of sin and idolatry we would like to address the problem of blaming women for men’s sexual struggles and impurity in general.

Historically, it seems like the typical discussion agenda that has prevailed over a generation at our purity sessions with the church body is the following: First, here is how the conversation has tended: “Guys, you need to be careful what you look at.” Second, “Girls, you need to make sure you don’t lead the guys into sin–no low necklines, no slits in skirts, no cleavage, and no attention drawn to ‘those’ parts of the body.” The heavy burden was and is placed on women to not cause men to sin.

Furthermore, when we hear about a man who leaves his wife for another woman, we seem to immediately blame the “other” woman, not the man. But perhaps the more important question would be, “What kind of man is he?” Don’t give him a pass (as we seem to). Don’t assume that because he was a deacon or an elder that he gave in to an alluring woman that dressed so provocatively that he couldn’t resist. Men, stop blaming women for your lust, sin, sensual struggles, and sensual choices. Understand these problems are sourced in your own heart as a part of the fall. Men now tend to blame others rather than identifying the evil of their own hearts.

So, now that you understand the direction of this article, I will do my best to proceed to examine past misconceptions more carefully. I truly want to help us to think biblically and carefully about this topic of temptation and sin, especially as it may pertain to or not pertain to women’s dress or undress, and men’s struggles to remain pure in our society. And yes, I hope to deal fairly with this topic both within the church and within our society at large. I believe our approach will be more logically and biblically accurate by thinking about how a man remains pure while working and living in an ungodly age Sunday to Sunday and then applying the same principles to life within the church gathering once per week.

I want to help us to think about modesty and purity within the church as we would in relationships outside of the church body. This connection for some odd reason has not been made or appears not to have been made. Remember, every man and woman is still created by God to know Him and to love Him rather than to worship and to long after the creature/creation. Change begins in the heart which God made to worship Him. And when we are in the world or gathered with our church, we need to see both men and women as worshipers. But the question simply is this: “What do we worship?”

I think we tend to make the church a supposedly safe zone to come and to “worship God,” where everybody just loves Jesus. So then we tend to set up a cosmetically inaccurate view of who we are, having our really high standards just to upkeep that ecclesiastical aura. For example, we assume that if all the women in the church building on Sunday are dressed from head to toe, completely covered, then all the men will be pure in their minds and in their hearts Sunday through Sunday.  Everyone will worship together in purity.  Ah, perfect scenario. Who are we fooling? Big mistake in our assumptions over the past several years. We judge people by the outside.  Certain women must be spiritual because they have conformed to a certain standard that is set up by some man’s preferences for them. And even worse, set up by the world’s standard of going to a certain building for a certain event.

Our gatherings, then, tend to become a place for a special clientele who meet a “high clothing standard” approved by the church leadership. The reason I want to address philosophy and thinking before we get to some of Paul’s statements in scripture regarding attire is that we import our cultural philosophy into this discussion:  we have been pharisaical. Most importantly, we know spirituality and Christlikeness isn’t about how we look or dress but what is in our hearts (Jesus said in Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander”). When we put undue emphasis on the external, we are being like the Pharisees who wanted a certain look and appearance (determined by them) for acceptance to God. And Jesus told them that they were like a grave full of dead men’s bones (Matthew 23:27 and 28).

Let me answer some questions that you may have in mind related to modesty and to believers in the church body.

Question: What is the meaning of the term modesty in scripture? Modesty is drawing attention to self–a desire to put self on display. A man in a suit can be proud and pompous, communicating extreme immodesty.  A loud and obnoxious woman would express immodestly despite clothing. To quote John Calvin, “[Paul] wishes therefore that [women’s] dress should be regulated by modesty and sobriety; for luxury and immoderate expense arise from a desire to display. . . . And hence, we ought to derive the rule of moderation; for, since dress is an indifferent matter, (as all outward matters are,) it is difficult to assign a fixed limit, how far we ought to go.” Overall, the main point that Calvin is making from Paul’s statement is that women should be moderate in their dress (whatever that may look like to each woman–not to each man to judge for the woman) and yet it is an “indifferent matter.” In other words, Calvin has no set parameter in mind. What do we mean by the word moderate? Moderate like modesty is not drawing attention to self.

Question: How fully clothed must a woman be in order to completely eliminate the possibility of the concept of leading men into sin? Is that any man’s decision how fully clothed a woman should be to satisfy his estimation of eliminating temptation? If a woman has a dress down to her knees but a slit on the side, does that lead men astray? Maybe another woman has a loose-fitting skirt to her mid-calf, and she is a woman with a full figure and pretty face. Despite the fact that she is fully clothed, is her “problem” her God-given physical attributes that don’t pass a man’s modesty test? Is her best option to sew Amish-style clothes that hang and bag off her body? That too would draw attention as she walks into a church gathering. No matter how a woman is clothed, honestly, of the hundreds of men I have counseled in matters of soul purity, most of them admit that women’s skin can be very well-covered in fabric; and yet, in their minds, they systematically undress women anyway (I am not exaggerating). So where have all the rules for “complete covering” gotten us?  Nowhere. The heart wants what the heart wants since Eden. The heart imagines what it lusts after, and the heart can picture those fantasies. What should be worship of God is instead depraved imagination.

Question: What does Paul, the apostle, say to women? First, Paul does not say anything about the length of attire, showing of skin, or ladies’ clothes appropriate to church gatherings. He certainly could have gone after the issue of clothing, given his Corinthian (sensual) society. But church leadership over the years has had a great deal to say about clothing whereas Paul did not. Unfortunately, what has happened is that the church has gone so far as to shun a woman who visits a gathering of the body of Christ in attire that does not meet the “high standard.” Therefore, the tendency is to immediately assess her attire and to decide that if she continues to come, she needs to change the way she dresses. Or at least her spirituality is assessed by her dress. Certainly, a woman that follows Jesus should not dress “like that” is the pharisaical conclusion that we have fostered among the people of God–very anti-James in actuality.  James rebukes the attitude of assessing the clothing of someone attending our gathering.

Question: What does Jesus say? “If a man look on a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart”? (Matthew 5:28). Jesus is saying that the problem originates in the man’s heart: his heart thoughts and sensual desires for that woman. The woman’s clothing is not the cause of the man’s sexual impurity; instead, that impurity is about the desires to possess and to take pleasure from a person that does not belong to that man. Remember, the man who can approach the struggle with what he sees around him in the world, aware of and concerned for his own heart’s tendency toward adultery and idolatry, this man will react with self-discipline and compassion (not judgment) both in his work place and in his church with all women. All men, married and single, must desire to worship God and to find satisfaction in God alone.

Question: What does James say? (1:14-15) “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Why doesn’t James say that the problem with sin begins in the world around man rather than in man’s heart with its “desires” that draw him away? It is simple. God knows our main problem: a longing, adulterous, unsatisfied heart. So we could follow James’s line of thinking to understand that a woman can follow very strict standards of dress but the man’s desire for her is driven by his lack of satisfaction with what he has. In his mind, he wants to see and to enjoy something else. Men who struggle with a pornographic heart will admit clothing has nothing to do with their fantasy to engage with a woman sexually. (Again, I have heard this in my counseling sessions many times.)

So then, men must recognize that there will be women at their work place or at the store or at the local park who dress in ways that the men’s hearts will react to poorly. Or a man may be on a cycling team or a member of a local gym or YMCA. He will see women in every area of society, so his heart must be set or committed to a certain way of viewing women that is not idolatrous and adulterous. He needs to know that these women need to worship God and love God. So whether in our church gatherings or in the work place and in everyday situations, the key is not the clothing of the women but the key is the condition of the man’s heart and his view of the woman. Does he desire that she know and worship God, or does he desire the woman to want his advances?

Question: How should the gospel of God in Christ inform our discussion and our conclusions? As we disciple men and women in our church bodies, for example, and we realize that they are living for the approval of others, we should then address the idols of the heart and allow God to bring them to conclusions as far as their attire. The gospel of Jesus informs us not to judge them but instead to welcome them and then to help them not to be driven by the approval or attention of mankind, but the glory of God.

Question: What does Paul say the approach should be to sin and to temptation in the church? The only passage where Paul works through temptation to sin is in Romans 14, but Paul’s main topics are about people who observe special days and the consuming or not consuming certain foods. Paul’s overall theme is not to judge either way. Whether you do or you do not consume certain foods, you should not judge another person. Why? For we will all stand before the Judge and not the other Christian. We will give account to Christ as judge and not a fellow believer in the church (v.10-13).

“Stop judging,” Paul says, “but don’t put a cause to stumble or fall in front of our brother” (v.13 and v. 21). Now that certainly is a clear statement by Paul. We want to help the weak brother to be edified and to grow (15:2);  within the church, we are discipling one another. However, the church has falsely catered to the weak brother. So what is Paul’s intent? Believers are to GROW. At some point, the weak believer is to become mature enough in his or her walk with God and mature in grace to handle the temptations and to understand the differences within the church.

In fact, I believe Paul’s point initially in Romans 14:1 is so important. Paul opens this section on life in the church saying that a weak person in the faith should not become a disputing issue. Do not divide the church or attack people who differ in things that are not clear (doubtful). Frankly, Paul is addressing doubtful issues related to people’s past as an unbeliever, even if they were a religious unbeliever. The church body, therefore, should not major on questionable issues or non-issues like clothing.

Final Question: What should the women in the church know and do? Pray for the men. Intercede for them that God will develop in them a heart of love and purity for all people. Recognize that some in the church will have weak hearts, bad thinking, unchecked lusting, and weak wills driven by all the imagery they have consumed.  Men and women must consider and pray about how they dress each day to please God and not to draw attention to self.  Women, don’t obsess about what men think of the way that you dress. Stand in God’s grace as you leave for the day. Don’t make dressing “incorrectly” your greatest fear. I know of women who walk with God who are judged by some as evil because of their clothing. Despite other’s conclusions, trust God and please Him.

Final suggestion: Men, you need to spend time considering that God made women to know Him and to love Him and to enjoy Him. They are made in His image to worship Him and to serve Him. Then focus on the truth with each woman that you encounter that she is made in God’s image; these thoughts should be your greatest and first thoughts about the women (saved and unsaved, godly and ungodly). Desire that women worship God. Desire and pray that they will love and enjoy and serve God. Think on the cross, and know that every woman needs Jesus. They don’t deserve your judgment or your adulterous thoughts. Consider all that women and men can be if they will but image God well. [I address this concept of imaging and worshiping God in my Soul Purity book in week 4 of an 8 week study.] You can access this material here.

In conclusion, we appeal to the elders of the churches to please sit down to discuss these concepts as they relate to the heart of man and his worship rather than cultural pressure to conform to a certain standard which may be the antithesis of the Gospel.

Drs. Dave and Judi Coats

Generally, many businesses function today, understandably, as success-driven, money machines.  Some businesses, not all, drive their employees to the point of stress-filled, robot-like performances. In contrast, local churches should function as members of a family–the family of God. But too often, churches resemble frenzied businesses. And surprisingly, some businesses are more concerned about the well-being of the families in their employment than some local churches are. What do Paul and Matthew and John say a church should be?

• A Body and Members One of Another (I Corinthians 12; Ephesians 4)
• A Family (Ephesians 3)
• A Community Influence (Matthew 5)
• Called to Fellowship (I John 1)

Sadly, we have seen church members disillusioned with their church bodies because these faithful folks experience firsthand as members–overtly and also behind the scenes–an atmosphere and a practical functioning of a faux business rather than the comfort and accountability of a loving family. Should the family of God be fiscally responsible? Absolutely!  However, we are talking about the week to week functioning of the body of believers.

Just so that we are on target as to the exact point that we are making, here are some common perceptions and characteristics of a “typical” business that is success-driven at all cost:

• The upper management rarely interacts with the “everyday” worker.
• The business seeks to please clients, especially the wealthy ones.
• The upper management rarely attends individual birthday parties and office celebrations opting rather for the big splash moments.
• Workers that are in middle management are left out in the cold as they are rarely consulted on major decisions.
• Workers attend meetings as an obligatory requirement but leave frustrated because of not being consulted.
• The salaries of upper management are often hidden from the workers because of the vast chasm in difference.
• The worker is only a number, not a person with feelings, family, and a life.
• The upper management hobnob at their outings financed by corporate while the worker snags a week’s vacation with his/her family.

Our point is not to analyze business practices.  Our point is to examine our church bodies to see if they resemble a business, operationally, to the detriment of the body of Christ.

Okay, so what signs could be red flags that your church functions as a 21st century business rather than a body?

Sign #1. The leadership are more like aloof CEOs rather than shepherds/servants (doulos).

We had a friend who joined a church team as the music director.  He asked all the right questions before he began his ministry, but the answers (unbeknownst to him) were from a business mindset.  He asked the pastor, “Will you mentor me?”  The pastor replied, “Yes.” So the young man thought that he would meet with the pastor often, pray together, grow together, and enjoy time together as brothers in Christ. But this pastor’s idea of mentoring became a monthly visit to the pastor’s office, a list for the music director of all the things this young man was doing wrong in the pastor’s mind, and a cold dismissal—just like a performance review in a job. Basically, “You are not fitting into the mold that we expect of you.”

Another indication is that the leadership is rarely seen interacting with people outside of the official Sunday preaching time.  They give the proverbial, obligatory hand shake at the door, but the relationships go just that far. They tend to be aloof from people.  They many times hire a “visiting” pastor so that others can remain cloistered and walled off from problems and the people that have the problems; they give the impression that the “study time” must overshadow all else. We totally agree that leadership should study and prepare well to deliver the Word of God to the body, but they must be shepherds among the sheep.

Instead of being characterized by humility and teach-ability, the leadership must be obeyed or else, rubber stamped by allies. Whatever the leadership want, they get.  They rarely consult outside of their circle. The deacons are chosen for their ability to do whatever the leadership want, not healthy and loving accountability.

Sign #2. The members with a lot of money are given preferential treatment.

If members that have a lot of money (or influence) have grievances, they bring those issues before the leadership. “If they ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

We witnessed one instance where some teenagers from our local church were clearly stealing from stores, and everyone knew it.  But one teen’s folks were extremely wealthy.  They went to the pastor to demand that the youth pastor back off when it came to confronting their teen daughter.  What happened in the end is very sad.  The pastor sided with the wealthy church supporters instead of seeking help for the daughter.  Years later, after immense suffering and family destruction, the daughter fessed up and the parents realized that the youth pastor had been right several years ago.  Their daughter had stolen valuables for years, and she was in and out of jail. But many lives had been permanently marred. This story was a very sad, preventable scenario.

Sign #3. The leadership is absent (very frequently) from workdays and times of cleaning up the church grounds and facilities.

We were members once at a church where the pastor (who, by the way, was very physically fit) was immune and excused from workdays because he had “more important” things to do than to get his hands dirty and to be an example of a servant of the body.  A leader who shows up to rub shoulders with the body to maintain buildings and to do some spring cleaning is setting the example of humility and service. And besides all that, workdays together are fun and many times very memorable for the togetherness.

Sign #4. An unhealthy atmosphere of hiding preferences develops because everyone is racing to be approved by the leadership.

The business atmosphere fosters covering and suspicion at times.  Covering and suspicion destroy clear lines of accountability and fellowship in a church body. What do we mean?  For example, one pastor forbid his staff from attending contemporary Christian concerts.  He encouraged the members not to attend as well.  Sadly, to save face before the church leadership, people went to the concert incognito, telling no one else in the body of believers.  Ironically, many of the members saw each other at the concert but had to hide their attendance lest they were “found out.”  This atmosphere is incredibly unhealthy and, frankly, absolutely ridiculous.

Sign #5. Business is an 8-5 job atmosphere, clocking in and clocking out.  Church should be the body interacting constantly, not clocking in at 9:45 am and clocking out at noon.

In summation, if we functioned as “we are the church,” community would happen all throughout the week which includes accountability, love, eating together, helping each other, visiting with each other, growing together.  “We go to church” is no different than any other mainline denomination–nothing more than attending a community event and then retreating to live life on our terms all week. We attend meetings at the “business office facility”; we do not meet together as a body. We do not have the “one-anothering” throughout the week. See our article that expands on this point here.

Sign #6. The leadership gets paid a hefty salary while assistants and youth directors and teachers (if there is a school in the church) scrape by.

Our dear friend shared with us that he worked in a Christian school in Texas.  He was single at the time.  He loved teaching his students.  However, as he stayed at his job, more and more responsibility was placed upon him by the pastor.  He eventually worked at least 6 jobs: teaching, janitorial, coaching volleyball, coaching softball, tutoring, and recess supervision. He sat in our home and shared that the pastor and his wife were both paid a full-time salary of 45,000 per year for a household income of 90,000.  His salary never reached 19,000.  If you think that this scenario is rare, you are sadly mistaken.  We could probably share many, many more anecdotes of the same situation.  What is in the minds of “Christian” leaders who watch people suffer financial while they prosper?  We will never understand this mentality, especially in Christian circles. Dr. Dave Coats is writing an article regarding the financial suffering of Christians who serve in these types of institutions.

Sign #7. The little, faithful people mean absolutely nothing. They are only tools to make the business successful.

One church body hired a woman to keep the books for anything that was ordered for the church–cleaning products, coffee for the break room, etc.  She worked part-time, but she was faithful.  After working at the church for 12 years, one of the church leadership (who had been there 12 years as well), came to her to tell her that they no longer had it in their budget to pay her for her part-time work. He had never stopped by her small office before. When he “thanked” her for her service, he said this: “Thank you, Rachel, for your work.”  After 12 years at the church, the pastor did not know her name.  Her name was Susan.  This woman came to us devastated for being treated like a flower on the wall.  She shed many tears. She thought that her service had meant more than an insult and a quick, meaningless statement when they did not want her around anymore.

Conclusion

Please do some objective analysis. If these signs are dominant and present in your church body, we would advise you to seek out a living, thriving, community-focused, Gospel-oriented, biblically-textually-rich body to be a part of instead of a business. Some churches are frankly worse than some uncaring businesses because of the destruction they do to lives.  Assess yourself and your place in your church.  Are you part of a functional, success-driven business? Or are you a part of a living body with a loving, humble, teachable, serving leadership team?

Corinthians reminds us that we are members one of another.  Also, if we function as “we are the church,” every member is absolutely vital to the whole body.  How have we gotten so far from the one-anothering of the New Testament and what a church body really should be that we do not see the truth?  Are we playing church, or are we drawing on the instrument of God’s grace: a church body to serve and to be accountable to.

“Anger [rage, hostility, vexation] is cruel, and fury [violent anger, uncontrolled temper] [is] overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” Proverbs 27:4

Being the victim of someone’s jealousy can take many different forms:

Have you ever been drawn into a jealousy debacle that you did not choose to be a part of but wish to be freed from? We have.

Have you wondered about the constant condemnation from a family member or friend? We have.

Have you been mystified about someone’s trying to “one-up” you all the time? We have.

In your efforts to please, have you been crushed under the weight of someone’s constant lack of gratitude? We have.

Why does someone use “joking” to criticize you and to hurt you? We have been the brunt of “joking.”

These questions are many times answered because you are experiencing the outrageous hurt of someone’s jealousy. Let’s look to scripture for some examples of others who were deeply affected by jealousy.

First, I Samuel 18 gives us a story of Saul and David.  The people responded to David’s success as a general of the armies of Israel: “Saul has slain his thousands; David has slain his ten thousands.”  Unfortunately, Saul could have enjoyed David’s success and could have benefited from David’s integrity as a leader. But instead, Saul became insanely jealous of David and did not trust David.  Saul then plotted ways to hurt David in order to bring him down. Initially, Saul was not trying to eliminate David, but progressively his jealousy drove him to constantly focus on the destruction of David. In Saul’s jealous pursuit, he lost David as a general, and he lost the admiration of his people.

What did jealousy look like in this story?  The goal was to hurt David; Saul did not trust him; Saul did not like him; Saul did not allow his son and others to befriend David; eventually jealousy skewed Saul’s view of David, thinking David would take over the kingdom.  Jealousy messes with the mind, making its focus the demise of another person. Jealousy drove Saul to a desire to murder David.

Second, Genesis 37 and following share the story of Joseph.  He was the object of jealousy. Let’s review the story: Because Jacob’s sons were jealous of their father’s favoritism for Joseph exacerbated by Joseph’s explanation of his dream, Joseph’s brothers threw him in a pit, intending to end his life. Joseph traveled to Egypt in chains, and he ended his journey as a slave.  How Joseph responded to this jealousy marks his story as unique, special, and God-honoring.  But we will come back to this story later.

What did jealousy look like in this story? Several brothers came to the point of wanting to murder their brother; family members suffered greatly at the perceived loss of a son; Joseph suffered over many years because of jealousy.

What else does the Bible say about jealousy? Let’s be honest about the evil nature of jealousy.

Job 5:2, Jealousy slays the fool.

Proverbs 6:34, A jealous husband will take revenge.

Proverbs 14:30, Jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

Matthew 20:15,  When God is generous to some, others become jealous.

Romans 13:13, Don’t participate in wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy.

2 Corinthians 12:20, Paul is afraid that he will find quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior in the church.

Galatians 5:20, Jealousy is one of the works of the flesh.

Let’s give you a solid, biblical idea of what drives jealousy:

Jealousy is rooted in a desire for what I don’t have. It is sourced in a desire for what others do have. It smells of control. “I must have this kind of car, house, or family.” Jealousy is linked to fear, selfishness, self-love, and self-pity. Jealousy lacks joy in the success of others. Jealousy lacks satisfaction in God. It is often driven by what I think I deserve and what I must have or else. Thinking that something else will bring satisfaction or pleasure or happiness besides what God has given us will take us down the road of jealousy. It is also related to covetousness. But jealousy takes covetousness to a new level, desiring harm or hurt or sadness upon the object of jealousy. Jealousy has an innate suspicion of others and lack of trust in people and God. Jealousy promotes rivalry as well as a worldly, success-orientation. Jealousy has a skewed view of advantages and disadvantages in life  (Ps. 37 and 73).

Strategies to handle jealousy biblically as we have seen the power of jealousy in the Bible and in Bible verses:

~~Strategy for the Offender

Recognize jealousy as a grievous sin that God hates; confess the sin of jealousy; forsake jealousy; see jealousy as the great evil that it is in its destruction; see your idolatry for the things the other person has or does. Now seek reconciliation with the person(s).

1. This reconciliation may involve clearing the person’s name in order to make things right.
2. You must see the power of jealousy in your life and the way it corrupts you and your relationships.
3. If necessary, read the passages that describe jealousy. Meditate on these words and passages. Let them sink into your heart and soul. Allow God the Spirit to convict and to bring you to confession.
4. It is good to share this process with others in Christ so that they can pray that the evil one, the destroyer, will not get a foothold in your heart.
5. Meditate on the goodness of God in the gospel. We deserve nothing but hell. Find great joy and contentment (something that jealousy fights against all day long) in Christ and His gift of life and a relationship with the God of all eternity.

~~Strategy for the Offended in Various Situations

1. When you experience public, hurtful, humiliating comments or actions, you need to address these in the moment. Allowing the offender to say or to do cruel things without addressing the offense humbly is not a biblical strategy.  Sin must be addressed.  For example, someone humiliated my wife in front of relatives.  I spoke up immediately to tell them that such things are cruel and unnecessary.
2. When someone is jealous of you, and you have been drawn into their world of competition or comparison, you feel like the jealous whirlwind has trapped you. Maybe it is a competitive co-worker; maybe it is a jealous relative; maybe it is someone who simply chooses to irritate you with jealous actions. You want to escape from the jealousy trap that you never intended to enter.  How? Move on, ignoring the source of jealous competition.  For example, if you have someone competing with you on Facebook, then you may have to block that person. Or if a relative makes it evident that jealousy drives him or her, be kind always, but do not let the jealousy ruin your life or cause you to be upset. You may have to distance yourself.  Remember, the goal is not unity with others; the goal is pleasing God with godliness.
3. When you have confronted someone about their public humiliation or their jealous competition, yet there is no repentance, what do you do then?  These jealousy situations may happen miles away or next door. They may happen with unbelievers, believers, those inside the church, and those outside the church. These categories define how you move forward. Only those within your body of believers can you particularly pursue in love and discipleship to reconcile to see them change within the local body of Christ.  Apply all of the scriptures regarding discipleship and discipline in the local church.  These truths are the path to reconciliation biblically. Don’t ignore the situation, hoping it will go away.
4. What about those outside of the local body of Christ, the local church? This is the hardest category to deal with because we want this jealous trap to go away.  We cannot “fix this.” So in wisdom, kindness, and in the mercy that Christ demonstrated, some people may have to be confronted humbly, or some others may have to be ignored.

Finally, remember these truths:

I Corinthians 13:4-7, Jealousy is the antithesis of love and its characteristics. And we are commanded to love God and others.

Remember, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him”  (John Piper). What a great strategy for fighting off jealousy!   

Think with us: If preachers that were contemporaries of Paul spoke out of rivalry, selfish ambition, seeking to hurt Paul who was in prison, hoping to add affliction to his bonds, then is it any surprise that we, too, will be the victims of jealousy at times? (Philippians 1). Paul’s response is this: he was confident that the Gospel was being advanced and that Christ was proclaimed and therein Paul rejoiced despite the vehement treatment from other “preachers.”  So, you cannot “fix others” in their jealous mess; you can rejoice that Christ is proclaimed, and you can be confident in the power of the Gospel.

Part 1: Calling the LORD my shepherd.

What categories of people need a shepherd God?

#1: Infants. Dependent. Lack knowledge. Lack experience. Unable to help themselves. Children. Need a God who will watch over them. Helpless. No sense of what life is about. Careless and foolish. No sense of danger.

#2: Youth. Investigating. Wandering. Asking. Seeking. Knowing. So much knowledge out there. But can be lead astray. Especially by the false teachers. These teachers are not true shepherds as described in Jn.10. Bring them back (Mt.18:12-14). Not His will that they perish. Commit your youth to the Shepherd’s care. Draw into what is good and lovely, not destructive relationships and friendships.

#3: Couples: Young families. Difficult to care for your kids properly. So much to do with them. So much care. Ask the Good Shepherd’s help. Seek Him. Stay close to the Shepherd. Take your children to God. Pray for them out loud so they know you want God’s help. Pray with them to God. Help them know you depend on God. Cast them on Him. Don’t feel like it all depends on you. Too much care. Show your children the Shepherd. Guide them and lead them to Jesus. Let them know what God is like.

#4: Men & Women: We like to lead. Get things done. We are to reflect the nature of God as Shepherd to our families, friends, and relatives. Especially for those who are married, to our spouses. We want our families to know what God is like as a caring, loving shepherd. Ask for God’s help. The family and friends will learn about God through you, but they need to know that they can additionally learn more from God’s word. Recognize your weaknesses. Seek the Shepherd. If you have children, let them hear about God from you.

#5: Church body: The Shepherd God/Jesus is head of his church and flock. He cares. He loved us and gave his life for the sheep. We need to follow Him. He gives elders and under-shepherds to lead the flock, while following Him (Acts 20:28).  As we all strive to follow Him, we seek His face and leadership in His Spirit in us all. And by His Word, we are united in Him.

#6: Older saints: If you spend much time of your life following the Shepherd/God, you will love Him. You know Him. Rest in him. Trust Him as He has never failed you. Be content in his care in these latter years. Help the younger ones not to be distracted by anything in your latter years. Encourage others by example of following Jesus. He is still the Good Shepherd in your last years.

Think on this: What a fascinating statement: YAHWEH is my shepherd. Contemplate the combination of those names of God (added to what names we have in other the psalms). David is confident that the self-sustaining God who is independent of all things has committed to a shepherding relationship with his people. This is astounding and humbling that he would do so. And the concept communicates to us that the rest of the psalm is dependent on this truth. IN REALITY, the fact that the God who is above all things condescends to us and cares for us must communicate to us with such immense emotion that God involves Himself on our level. He is willing to shepherd. He loves us enough to shepherd us. He knows what it takes to be a shepherd to sheep who need HIM (Isaiah. 57:15)– ^“For thus says the One who is high and lifted up,  who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.'”

Closing question: Is the Lord my Shepherd? How would I know? Just because we may have memorized these words does not guarantee the relationship. It is about God’s knowing us as His sheep and our knowing Him internally as our shepherd no matter what. We follow Him (Jn.10:27). Truly being one of the sheep of His pasture, I obey Him and trust Him fully in every circumstance of life. Do you shepherd yourself, or does He shepherd you?

Next, Part 2: The Shepherd Cares for His Sheep. Part 3: The Shepherd Protects His Sheep. Part 4: The Host Provides for His Guests.

Consider some needs the Shepherd cares for:

Need #1: Consider what our greatest need is. It is for our relationship with God, a total confidence in what He is doing. He does us no wrong. His plans for us are always good and bring Him glory. So in Him is our greatest need. In Matthew 5, Jesus teaches us to seek or to pray for our daily bread and not all the riches of the world. The great confidence which believers have in God is the following: “If the Lord is my Shepherd, my feeder, I may conclude I shall not want anything that is really necessary and good for me” Psalm 23.

#2 Need: Consider that David experienced spiritual nourishment. As a shepherd leads sheep to fresh grass for feeding, so the Lord leads His people. One who follows the Lord does not lack any spiritual nourishment. How does YAHWEH care for this arena?

• Pastor/shepherds (cf. Acts 20:28; 1 Peter 5:2) are expected to feed the flock (John 21:15–17) as well. Food for the soul is the Word of God (Heb. 5:12–14; 1 Peter 2:2).
• Further, we need to go to God and His Word for our own feeding. Don’t be a follower that has to be spoon-fed everything you get for nourishment. Consider that the Shepherd wants us to be content and to lie down. To rest. To cease our pursuit of other things and to stop. Rest. He knows where the green pastures are and when it is time to stop and to rest in those pastures.

#3 Need: Consider God’s ability to restore our soul. But that restoration will be found after contentment and feeding and rest. The Lord provides forgiveness and peace for those who follow Him.

When his sheep are thirsty and weary, the Shepherd knows it. He has a plan.

Generally, everything we need and we should want is in the Shepherd. Is He enough for us, or do we want something else?

• In our fatigue, he is our rest.
• In our busy lives, we need quiet time with Him.
• In our hurts, He gives healing.
• In our hunger for something, he will feed our soul.
• In our emptiness, He will fill our void.
• He is our greatest need for worship and fulfillment.
• In our fears, He will protect and control all things.
• In our anxieties, He will be our peace and safety.

Consider this: We can find repose, rest, refreshment, and renewal (physical and spiritual go together) in the Shepherd of our souls. All we need will be supplied by the Shepherd when we follow Him. It would seem difficult in the day in which we live to find repose, rest, refreshment, and renewal. If we are struggling without rest, then we are not following the Savior/Shepherd. He always makes room for and time for repose, rest, refreshment, and renewal.

So then, when we must face the “valley of the shadow of death,” we are not overwhelmed. We fear no evil because we are ready and renewed.  Notice also that the paths of righteousness are more readily attained AFTER we have been renewed and refreshed. Nourished. Fed. Watered. Rested. Now walk confidently.

#4 Need: He will lead us in right paths.

• The leading of the Shepherd is on right paths. Or literally, paths characterized by righteousness. This is God’s purpose and plan. We would not necessarily choose this path. But it is the path on which our soul experiences the likeness and image of God. We are changed into more and more of His likeness.
• The Lord’s leading guides us in the right way (paths of righteousness). A good shepherd knows the right paths on which to bring the sheep home safely. So too the Lord loses none of His sheep but guides them in the right way. He does so because of His reputation (for His name’s sake) first and foremost. In other words, He makes good on His own promises, His own character of holiness and righteousness. He has promised to make us more like Him. He will take us on this path.
• As a sheep, I must trust the Good Shepherd. These are the paths in which all the saints should desire to be led and to be kept, and never to turn aside out of these paths. Can we accept this truth? It is “For his Name’s sake.” To magnify his Name as a gracious and merciful God and Shepherd. Is that good for us? If we believe he is to be magnified in us as simple sheep, then we can accept the path of righteousness. Think of Pilgrim’s Progress.

So what can we conclude? He is our Good Shepherd. He wants us to rest. Renew. Refresh. Do we? Do we take time in Him and with Him? Can we disconnect from the world and our lives long enough for what the Shepherd would do for us?

Next, in part 3, we will see what God as our Shepherd does to protect His sheep.

What changed? The mission became more about what took place at a certain address and the activities and programs offered at that address and in that building within those four walls. Unfortunately, the churches characterized by a faulty mission have exported this concept around the world. Our form of missions or simply the accomplishing of  Matthew 28:18-20–discipling the nations–has changed. Well, yes, we still believe we should take the gospel to the world, but as soon as possible we must have an address, a building, and a program that will draw people to us. That sentence represents the philosophical drive that moves many churches. “WE HAVE WHAT THEY NEED. SO WE NEED TO GET THEM TO THIS FACILITY, THIS BUILDING. Then they can be disciples.” This philosophy has done immeasurable damage.

I am sure that it was not intended to be this way at the point when the early church went from being chased into the catacombs to being a mainstream idea around the time of Constantine. When the Christians came out of the catacombs and into the society around them, they still had to interact with the people and to disciple those people that were around them. And I have no idea at what period of time the idea of discipleship became unfortunately linked to a program that had to take place at the address of the “church.” But that link was a distinct change. And that philosophy of edifice equals church equals program equals “God is pleased that we are accomplishing his mission because of what we do at our building” has handicapped our impact on our culture and our world.

Another part of the historical picture is the movement of separation from the world (including its educational system) that pulled us even deeper into our fortress and behind our four walls. I grew up in that system and believed that we could give unbelievers the gospel in some form; but that they really had to get to our building and involved in our program in order for them to be truly God’s separate people. And except for our brief forays into the malls and nursing homes and other places where we could present godly, holy music and concerts (along with, of course, passing out tons of tracts), we expected that we would invite them to our building and to our address; then there at our holy and special place where God meets with us, they would attend and become a disciple of Jesus.

What this system of “discipling” produced was mostly a revolving door of religious people moving from one city to the next city and from one church address to the next church address. Greatly diminished was the fact that we actually lived and impacted and sought to disciple those around us in the community who had never known God or had never had an interest in religious stuff. They were the monsters to avoid. In fact, as I have talked with people that grew up in these kinds of church systems and philosophies (as described above) between the 1960s to 2000 (even up to 2010), I began to realize that they had no idea how to interact with a totally irreligious person. And they admit this fact. The church lost something between A.D. 400 and A.D. 2000. Where was the salt and light?

Interestingly enough, another phenomenon is taking place. We expect kids to grow up hearing the teaching and automatically get what they have heard because they were “there” at the right address and building for all of those years. We cannot understand how they did not become a disciple of Jesus. One mother, upon a Christian school closing, came to us and said, “How will my children hear about God now?” If we as Christians are not discipling our own children and teens, we are far from reaching out to the community at large.

Everything we have discussed is a “go to church” mentality and philosophy that mirrors mainline denominations. What happened to “we are the church”?

What does it look like to “go to church” as opposed to “be the church”? What is the difference between these two opposing philosophies of life and discipleship in Christianity?

Go to church (General Characteristics)

• Activities must take place at this address where we meet. In fact, we shut down any idea of ministry or discipleship that is not in this building. After all, anything offsite from our church building is probably something weird or cultish.
• People need to hear the gospel here at our church building so that they will be saved. This is the “special place” of God.
• Our programs that are developed to disciple people take place on certain nights and with the right materials that help people become apart of what is going on at this address.
• Come up with new and fresh ideas to get people to this building to meet Jesus.
• If you do not attend here at our church building, then I’m not sure about you. You probably are not a Christian.
• Focus on people in programs and on the membership rolls. As long as you have been through our membership class and you attend our scheduled services, you are a good disciple of Jesus.
• If you are faithful to all of the weekly scheduled meetings, you are at the top of the leadership and preferred member chart, a dangerous practice of performance orientation. This practice tends to hide the sin in our lives and to cover as much as possible in order to maintain some good standing in the eyes of others. Hiding sin is easy to do for 45-90 minutes on Sunday morning.
• We tend to endeavor to get totally unsaved folks to the church building first, where they will be extremely uncomfortable.
• Therefore, we host special events so that folks can get to that building. But then we have no further contact with them beyond those events, unless they come back to that building for further events.
• The church comes alive at 9:45 on Sunday morning and dies at noon.  Then it regenerates for a brief time on Wednesdays, perhaps.  This is “going to church,” and not “being the church” because many folks fall through the cracks and interact with no one or may be discipled by no one. They manage their own spiritual lives throughout the week.

Be the church (The Goal)

• Activities take place wherever the disciplers live and gather–having neighbors into our homes, helping co-workers, loving on needy people.
• People share their lives and beliefs wherever they connect with others. They do not have to wait to come to “the church building.”
• Programs are limited to specific goals of drawing people in through the layers of unbelief and their comfort apart from God towards discussion of God and life and the story of the gospel. In fact, the program is life, and the goal is discipleship.
• Discipleship is a lifestyle of building relationships, connecting with people, and speaking truth. We grow these relationships towards Christ. As people begin to see we care about them and they begin to desire truth, they press in towards hearing more about God and seeing how we live.
• The church gathers weekly in places sufficiently able to handle its meeting, to build its theology, and to gain continuity of growth.
• We celebrate all those who are a part of the greater, true body of Christ and who are discipling the world around them and bringing them to Christ.
• We are serious about discipling while opening our hearts and lives to people. We are honest and open with one another as we meet at a restaurant, a home, or a coffee house.
• Leaders are developed as they become committed to the mission and the story of God as it is lived out together throughout the week wherever they are. They live and disciple alongside someone else who is already in leadership in order to see how they function.
• We shape our lives and schedule around the mission first and then around the ways and means to accomplish that mission rather than building our lives around a building and a place and its programs.
• We look forward to sharing what God is doing in the main gathering of the church weekly where we are teaching solid truth directly from Scriptures that will help us to live daily as disciples.
• We are a family carrying out the “one-anothering” of the New Testament.  We live and breathe together throughout the week serving our community and loving on community members in need.
• We should readily admit that we are all broken sinners in a broken world who are becoming more like Christ through the Gospel.

LIVING THE MISSION: Briefly, we saw a body of believers that drew in a blind woman through their missional living.  Their first question to her was not “Can you come to church with me on Sunday morning?”  Their first question to her was “How can we help you?” After they poured their lives into hers with genuine love, she saw a difference in them.  She desired to know more.  The local body of believers went to her where she was.  After two years of living out the Gospel with her, she came to personal faith in Christ; she was baptized recently.