Now what? I cannot change what has happened. I can only respond to the events and to the people around me. It seems like they have all moved on. I cannot seem to move on. And what does it mean to move on anyway? Why should that matter? Nothing seems to matter anymore.
The Gospel and the “Arenas of Grief”
So now that we have anchored ourselves to some of the gospel truths that God has given us, how do these truths help us with the “arenas” of grief that we may experience and that supposedly we will face?
#1 Denial and isolation: Since God has a plan and since it is good, I must embrace Him and the path He has for me now. To deny what is happening or to avoid its reality is to miss out on part of what God wants for me today. I have to trust him (Proverbs 3:5-6).For those of us around the person going through the shock and loss, we need to make sure they take care of themselves physically. Rest is crucial but difficult. Eating is important. The gospel reminds me that God gives me life today. I must spend it well for His glory. If we see someone punishing themselves or hiding from others, it is a sign of trouble.
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- Do not remove yourself from the church body God has given you. You are missing out on part of God’s provision of help. Do not worry about what they think. Trust God. Call out to them for help in your loss. If “professional counselors” say you need time alone, “your time,” or something similar, they are not aware of the help God has waiting for you in His church.
- Also remember that the whole body grieves. If you remove yourself from Christians around you, you are leaving them to grieve alone. (Remember God’s NT commands to love and weep and comfort one another.) Neither you nor they were made to sorrow alone.
- Remember that God is always with you. Lay your grief on Him. Daily (I Peter 5:7), He will care for you. Know that He cares for you. If necessary, print out this verse from I Peter and put it up in your home everywhere.
- #2 Anger: The ultimate blame and therefore the bitterness that comes with it will be towards God. The gospel rescues me from telling God He has done wrong. I am humbled before God as His child and ask Him to keep me from the anger and blame that would destroy my heart. I want to be rescued from trying to hand out justice on my own. (See the comments on bitterness in Grief: A Look at the Heart Part 2)
- #3 Bargaining: I have nothing to recommend myself to God. I have come to Him by grace. I cannot try to “make a deal” with God. I have to trust Him now. I cannot control the future. Thinking I could somehow make sure nothing like this happens is foolish. (Review grace in part 2 of this study as well.)
- #4 Depression: Feelings and emotions are amazing things. But they must be brought under the work of the Word and God’s Spirit. These are two infinite, powerful, living resources for us (Hebrews 4:12). And the Spirit and the Word were meant to work together. Give the Spirit of God something to work with in your heart by reading and by meditating on truth.
- Whether or not I feel like trusting God, I must do so. Whether or not I feel like God is there, He is. Whether or not I feel like doing some things in the wake of a loss or impending illness, I must continue to do what God has called me to do. I am here to serve Him.
- I must inform my emotions about the gospel and about my God. Whether or not my feelings respond to that truth is not the important factor. My heart will decide to move forward in faith regardless of my feelings. For instance, I deserve eternity in hell. So it is truly God’s infinite grace that I will never experience that pain, sorrow, loneliness, and emptiness.
- MUSIC: Psalms 13 is an expression of trouble and pain by the Psalmist. He has sorrow all the day. And music was one of the ways he allowed God’s goodness to minister to him when he was down. Find music that specifically helps lift you up out of yourself, and look at God and the gospel.
- The CHURCH family must help those grieving not to get stuck in the valley. Instead they must help me see my Good Shepherd who leads me through the “valley of the shadow of death” where I am not to fear the evil that has passed my way. And to the Church, “You need to stay with them for the long haul.”
- Also, take time DAILY to remember God’s works and kindness, His faithfulness and gifts to you. Thanksgiving is a very needed spiritual activity in the midst of my loss. I may have lost a person, a friend, a loved one, but I can never lose God. I will never be cast out.
- Serve. When you are ready, and it should be soon, you need to invest in others. Other people are hurting out there as well. They hurt in different ways. They need to hear you pray for them and tell them you love and care about them. Give out. Don’t do it just to feel better about yourself. Care for others. That care for others will help you to avoid feeling sorry for yourself. We all tend towards some kind of self-centeredness and feeling self-pity. But we must care for and about the needs of others.
- #5 Acceptance: We do not settle for stoical fatalism in the gospel. We want someone to find the gospel of Jesus to be sufficient hope and full of grace for today. (Remind yourself of ways the gospel anchors us from part 2 in this study.)
- We want the gospel truth to minister more and more. We will help a believer see God’s path. We can actually have joy in knowing a loved one has passed through the doorway into eternity with Jesus.
- We are not finding some religious crutch to help us “cope” with the loss. Biblical truth is real. When a dear lady in our church was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease, her daily statement to her family was this: ” He has not taken me home yet.” When she died, her passing was with great joy. She was home. Finally.
- When, on the other hand, a loved one is taken suddenly in an unexpected death, we must focus on their gain, not on our loss. Therein lies the path of grace to our own peace.
- If we hold on to what was or what we wanted life to be in the future, or hold on to what it was in the past, we are wanting to hold them back from the incredible reality they are now experiencing. That reality is hard to accept, but it is God’s purpose.
- He wants us to be with Him forever. We are selfish people, so we do feel our own loss rather then their gain. We tend to look at this life and not the next.
Part 4 concludes the study concludes the study by addressing the Christian in grief.
