One thing that we must know as we help people who are grieving is that they need time. They need to work on their response. They need to remind themselves of what God has said. They need to allow all of God’s resources to take effect. It will take time. They need their heart to be renewed (Romans 12:1-2) . All of us will tend to respond like the world around us, apart from God’s grace and mercy.
Understanding the Christian in grief
With a young Christian, you will need even more compassion and patience. Young believers have not practiced these truths in other areas yet, and now they are called on by God to live truth out in the hardest of times. But that is still His plan for them. Disciple them. Help them grow. Help them drink from God’s word (2 Peter 2:2 — Help them taste of God’s goodness.).
With the Christian who has not developed the habit of reading and of meditating on the Word, you must insist that they begin to practice this activity. If they have not done much praying, then they must turn to God and not to their friends who do not know God or to those who are not grounded in TRUTH.
- Unfortunately our culture and even the church tends to think that if you have experienced grief, then you will be the best one to help and to counsel someone else through that loss and pain. NO! Only someone who has gone through grief biblically and with God’s help and hope will be a better companion in this journey.
- But even if I have not known your kind of grief, I am better positioned to help you by pointing you to God and what He has said in advance that is specifically designed to meet your need. The person who has confidence in God and His Word is much better equipped to help others than someone who just gutted it out or who has experienced their anger and ignored the pain or handled their grief on their own. They have not experienced God in their grief. They just know grief.
Romans 8:18-39 and my grief
I promised to spend some time in this passage in order to gain help on our journey down the path of sorrow. Unfortunately, too often people jump to Romans 8:28 in trying to give some kind of help to a friend in grief. That verse, if set in its context, fits into the overall plan Paul had in encouraging the people of Rome. But without the context, we miss so much help and hope.
- Sufferings of this present time (v.18) include pain, loss, and sorrow. We who look for the coming glory of God can begin to understand how reminding ourselves of God’s coming and kingdom can help. So we can ask God to help us to know the reality of His coming and glory in the midst of our pain.
- Knowing that all of creation, not just my family, is experiencing the “groaning” that I feel, helps my pain to some degree (v.19). I am reminded that thousands of people have gone through similar or worse events as a result of our fallen world. And the joy in our hearts is that we will be set free from the groaning, the corruption, the pain so that we can experience the glory of God.
- We must have patience in this current sorrow and loss (v. 25). God has His plan, so I must wait on Him. In the meantime, I am still confident in my expectation of God’s goodness and kingdom. He has promised that this process of waiting is to strengthen my faith and character.
- Meanwhile, He has given me His Spirit within (v. 26-7). There are days I cannot express the loss in words. But God knows exactly what I feel or what I cannot put in words, even to Him. His Spirit is ready to bring my thoughts and my feelings to the Father. He loves me and cares about me.
- And for those of us who love God and are His called ones for His purpose (that is every child of God, not some special group of super Christians), He is working all things together for good (v.28).
- Now consider this verse that we struggle to understand–Romans 8:28.
- What is God doing? How is this pain and loss doing anything good?
- I think we could say that Genesis 50:20 is the Old Testament Romans 8:28. Joseph’s response to his brothers was this: God knew what He was doing through all of this pain, heartache, separation, sin, evil, and lost time together. We cannot go back. We should not want to.
- God allowed these events and planned the rescue of a whole nation around Joseph’s hardships and separation from his family. The good that God wanted to do was accomplished through the suffering and trials, the pain and separation, the lost time with his brothers and dad. Joseph saw it all.
- Don’t miss verse 29 which shows us the big picture. God is always at work in these events of grief to accomplish His purpose: that is to make us like His Son, Jesus.
- Jesus experienced all of these kinds of sorrows and grief (Isaiah 53:3-4). We look up to Jesus. We know He was perfect. He was without flaw as He faced pain and loss of the worst sort. This is how we get to share in His suffering and know what it is like to please God our Father.
- We can know that Joseph was a better leader and brother and son because God took him through these events. He was like Christ.
- Then we arrive at v.31-39 and the comprehension of this precious truth.
- God is for us. He is not against us.
- And even though we may experience evil or loss and pain and suffering in this world, God has not deserted us. He cannot.
- He shouts to us from the cross, “I love you this much.” He will give us all that we need in our loss and grieving.
- Nothing can separate us from His love. “I don’t feel like God loves me right now.” I understand. But you must read this and believe it. Convince your feelings and lack of seeing God in this event that His love is as real as your pain and loss.
