Nasty Christians

It happened yesterday. Someone slammed you verbally. She attacked your character. She hurt your feelings deeply. What is so bad or unusual about this hurtful event? She claims to be a Christian. She did it to your face, behind your back, and on social media. I sometimes ask myself, “What is wrong with this picture?” Did you ever wonder why it is that Christians can be some of the meanest, worst, hurtful people; yet then you meet a non-Christian or non-church-goer at work or in your neighborhood that seems to be incredibly kind? Or you have a co-worker that seems to bend over backwards to help you get things done while Christians in another department talk about how they work to protect their territory and “stay ahead of the game.” Why is this the case?

Spiritual realities to keep in mind:

Remember that you will need to step back from the immediate picture to take a broad look at life before your reactions become sinful. Here is why:

Some people are having a bad day (I Thessalonians 5:14).

That reality does not justify nasty words or actions, but take into account the mean person’s present situation and circumstances. God asks us to show grace and forbearance towards others as we have been shown the same. Ask yourself if this is a regular pattern and way of life for this individual? Does she normally respond this way to others, or is this attack out of character? Or does she seem to act this harshly and evil only towards you? By way of illustration, Elijah was conquering the prophets of Baal and calling down fire from God one day; and then the next day, he is running out into the desert to flee from a woman who challenges him. He experiences great victory one day; but as he fled from Jezebel, he may not have been the nicest person to encounter at that point. You may still be wondering how to react to your particular situation when you on the receiving end of a torrent of verbal abuse; but when you respond, make sure you do so with grace and mercy in your heart keeping this point in mind:  the actions toward you may be the result of a person’s own difficulties and not because of you.

Some people claim to be Christians but are not (Matthew 7:21-23).

Some people who claim Christianity are in the category of the statement from Matthew 7–“Depart from me; I’ve never known you.” They are not children of God. But they don’t know that. They think they are just fine, living a lie. This group, for me, probably represents the largest reason for all the bad stuff that happens “in the church.” Yes, it is compelling that the Corinthian church had a number of evident sin issues and open fractures in their midst, but Paul did call them to deal with the known issues and was pointing them toward either reconciliation or removal. The first purpose of dealing with sins against another brother is to seek reconciliation, but the second purpose is to see if that person responds as a brother, or as the world responds. The fact that we allow certain people to be mean again and again, while being church members, is one of the main reasons the church has hurtful, mean, bad people in it. WE ALLOW IT. We give them wide birth and try to soften the blow by using non-biblical jargon like, well “it is what it is” or “they just are that way; it’s just their personality.” A consistent pattern of chewing people out is evidence or fruit of unbelief.  Where is the Spirit in their lives?  The church is responsible to do a better job of confrontation and discipline.

We tend to see people in a certain light, but maybe we don’t have all the facts (Proverbs 18:13).

Remember that people live their lives by any number of counselors in their world, setting the pace for their view of life. Some people say having people be mean towards you is just a being part of the “real world.” Yes it is–a really distorted and sinfully selfish world. An example might be a situation where a woman is dealing with abuse in her home. We hear of husbands that feel they can treat their wives abusively both verbally and physically. How does that come to pass? They believe that they MUST BE respected! And if they don’t get that respect, then they have a Christian obligation to make their wives respond properly by intimidating and/or shaming them. The anger blows up into what he feels is righteous anger for such disrespect towards him. We heard recently of two different husbands who felt free to call their wives despicable names that I will not repeat here. Instead, this evil of abuse is a hidden time bomb in the church and in the home. Do we really know what is going on with people? Oftentimes no. So the result?  These people will at times blow up at you, justifying their anger as part of their “real world.”

Some people have not been under the regular teaching of the Bible (Romans 14).

So is it any wonder that some Christians don’t know HOW to change either? They have watched other “believers” live similarly. What is the big deal? Unfortunately, if they continue to be malnourished spiritually, they will not grow to understand their error. It may help to point them to God’s Word rather than some Christian that they imitate. Remind them that they may be following an ungodly or even unbelieving person who claims the name of Christ. The cycle will just continue to perpetuate itself. The church must teach truth and follow up on truth by intensive discipleship.

Some people have lost the battle with the flesh and have unleashed sinful reactions (Galatians 5:16-21).

No one said the Christian life is easy, so it is evident that Satan is going to keep on attacking and driving wedges wherever he can. If he can get the true church divided by attacking itself, he has won more than half the battle already. But he has to get at us through our sinful flesh. So when people are mean towards you, realize that if they are believers, they have, for some reason or another, given vent to their fleshly ways rather than the Spirit. Call them to repentance and walking in the Spirit. But don’t do it in the flesh.

Regardless of the above reasons, we are called to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:14-21).

Notice that I did not say we hide evil or ignore evil. We overcome evil. And the first place to overcome evil is in our own hearts when we want to “give it back to them as good as they gave it out.” And remember that leaving a person in their sin, continuing to sin, and believing it is okay to keep on sinning against others is not a loving thing to do. Just find the path to help them overcome the evil in their own hearts. Point them to the cross and conviction by the Spirit. If their pattern of anger and meanness continues, you can be fairly sure that the Spirit is not within.

Remember that the effects of the depravity of the soul can show up in a number of ways (Galatians 5:19-21).

This biblical principle of depravity can include all kinds of mean, evil, hurtful and deplorable actions against other Christians. We struggle to understand how a so-called Christian can act this way. Meanness is the effect of sin. Sin has many permutations. Accept that fact and reality. The Bible does not portray Christians as exempt from these sins, but it does expect that we will respond to and deal with sin differently because of our spiritual life within and because of our view of the Gospel–we have been forgiven of everything in the Great Exchange.

Unbelievers can be “good, moral” people motivated by their good works (Matthew 19:16-22).

When you see people in the world around you doing good, remember they have a certain world view they live by that drives them. They may have bought into that view of the life which rewards good deeds. So it makes sense that they will try treating you well. Others just understand that life will go better with good will towards a neighbor. So this kind of person, although self-driven, will take measures to be kind. And some of this kindness is simply a result of being image-bearers who know there is a God but don’t yet have a relationship with Him. So kind unbelievers may seem more prevalent at times that kind believers.

Bottom Line (II Corinthians 5:21).

When you are on the receiving end of a believer who is crushing your spirit with nasty words or actions, use the filter of Gospel to extend grace to that believer because you have been forgiven of everything, be willing to confront the sinful actions because of love for another believer, be willing to ask yourself if this is a pattern of behavior in this person’s life, acknowledge the fact that this believer may be young in the faith, or realize as well that this person may not be a believer at all who thinks that the Spirit is within when He is not. As a church body, we must also be willing to confront consistent, nasty behavior.  Sewing discord in a body of believers can take all of the oxygen out of a body, leaving that body weak and disjointed.  Recognizing patterns of sinful, harsh words and behavior, addressing those patterns, and desiring for those believers to confess their sinful ways to change will add to the health of a local body of believers.